TU CS major Anthony Felt spent all of last finals week modifying an old mechanical calculator to run everyone’s favorite classic game.
Local TU sophomore Anthony Felt, who had previously installed “DOOM” on an electric tea kettle, has recently made headlines by getting a calculator from 1893 to run “DOOM.” Witnesses say that they noticed a scrawny and socially awkward boy trying to steal an old calculator from a glass case in Keplinger. They did not call Campus Security or anything because “it didn’t seem like a big deal at the time,” adding “We just kinda figured that that’s how Keplinger works.”
Despite Keplinger’s wild-west nature, Felt was caught on the buildings single security camera. However ,Campus Security “just kinda figured that that’s how Keplinger works.”
Felt spent every minute of finals week last semester trying to program “DOOM” (1993) into his calculator, and just like a compilers project, didn’t finish it until five months later.
Now the calculator may not have a screen, or controls, or sound, but he finally managed to install the software by crudely attaching a micro SD card and a GTX 1050 with duct tape and copper wire. There is no screen, but the real joy of “DOOM” does not lie with the visuals. It all lies with the gameplay.
The game, as expected, ran perfectly. No lag or hiccups at all, running at a full 60 FPS. The controls are a little wonky, you use divide to shoot, control dial to pause and movement works by wiggling the number dial. All other controls were cut for simplicity’s sake. So no buttons for the run or use buttons, but you really do not need those to play this game, you just have to be really good at “DOOM.”
Anthony Felt said, “Basically I am the best programming student ever, and if anyone has any internship opportunities, I am available for hire. Please. I am very desperate. I do not want to go back to supervising Bible camp. I will take any job, whatsoever. I can’t deal with it anymore. The screaming children and mosquitos are absolutely unbearable.”
Later, when asked about the actual thing he did, he said, “Oh well it’s kinda a meme, and that’s why I spent hundreds of hours of my life creating it. I am just really passionate about what strangers on the internet think about me. ‘DOOM’ is really an okay game, definitely not my favorite. I prefer games like “Skyrim,” but that does not come to calculators until 2020. It took every bit of computer science I had ever learned from Google to do, but overall it was definitely worth the effort and will continue to decorate my apartment living room until I leave this university.”
Truly an impressive display of talent coming from the University of Tulsa’s school of computer science. Every single part of this story is revolutionary and will definitely change all technology ever made from this point on. When asked about the impact of this on the history of calculators, Felt added that “it is a shame that the makers of the ancient calculator were not alive to see their creation being perfected. This is the single greatest thing done with a calculator since I calculated how much I had earned in Bitcoin last month.”