Letter from the Propagandist: Endorsement of Trump

As avid readers of our paper will know, the State-Run Media has never endorsed a candidate before. At least, after a mysterious fire consumed our archives, you can’t prove that we did. But this election has been unlike any election before. There aren’t two equally qualified candidates who disagree on major policy issues. One candidate, […]

Why isn’t the FBI investigating us?

In July, the FBI announced it had finished its investigation and would recommend no charges against Clinton for her use of personal email during her tenure as Secretary of State. But newly discovered emails on the computer shared between Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) and his wife and Clinton’s top aide, Huma Abedin, have renewed the FBI’s […]

Cubs fans sad they no longer feel special

History has been made. The Cubs have finally broken a 108 year streak of consistent mediocrity that statisticians were calling “magical” and “extremely improbable.” While many in Chicago are legitimately celebrating, many, many more around the country are outwardly celebrating while quietly and slowly drying on the inside. The State-Run Media was able to interview […]