Ah yes, the winds are getting colder, the chlorophyll in leaves is being destroyed and giving way for carotenoids and anthocyanins to do the brunt of photosynthesis, and prospective applicants to the University of Tulsa are once again roaming around campus, shepherded by friendly UAs. Autumn has arrived.
Don’t you remember being bright-eyed like them? Searching for the perfect establishment to house and educate you for the next four years? Well, now is the time to help those kids make the right decision! (the one you made, obviously) Here are five University Ambassador approved things that you should say as those tours pass you by:
1. “Wow what a great university that we both are attending for only 60,000 dollars a year.”
This one is obvious, but you gotta let the kids know the bargain they would be getting here and what better way to do so than to explicitly tell them? It is suggested that this line only be used when passing by with a companion as to not seem creepy and/or unhinged from reality.
2. “What delicious and nutritious food that I am consuming. Yum yum.”
The freshman fifteen is real concern for some people. Let this line rip while holding a plate of pork chops and green beans, preferably whilst licking your lips, to let them know that that trope is just a myth at the University of Tulsa. Maintain direct eye contact to better get the point across.
3. “Look at me! I’m definitely not hiding tears behind this smile stemming from an unrequited desire for social intimacy!”
Make sure to give a big smile! This one is great for making sure they understand how socially fulfilled you are here so that they can better picture themselves in the same satisfactory position..
4. “I love that this place is so dependent on the oil industry. Those guys are great.”
Now, this might be a turnoff for the “green thumbs” in the group, but hey, they wouldn’t fit in here anyway. Too many PEs.
5. “I am completely content with the choice I have made that is certain to affect, whether adversely or positively, the outcome of my life and whether or not I will be able achieve my ambitions, even though I have no idea what those are yet. I definitely had a enough information to make an informed decision and am experiencing no regrets.”
The best part about this one is how vague it is. It can apply to so many things, every student in that group will get something good out of it! The only problem is its length, so make sure to walk briskly or bike alongside the tour group so they can hear everything you have to say.
Feel free to bring your own personality to the lines and really flesh them out with hip slang or regional colloquialisms! The kids will dig it!