An international volleyball game takes place at the U.S.-Mexico border. graphic by Conner Maggio

Alternate uses for the new border wall

The wall is going to be “effective,” but not for the reasons Trump is promising.

At long last, with a national emergency issued, Trump’s prized border wall might become a reality. Many critics of the wall dislike it not just because they like immigration, but because they don’t think it will be effective.

However, it’s clear that the boundary will be effective in many other ways.

Aesthetic reasons — One big complaint of people that live on either side of the border is that it will detract from the already pristine view of the natural landscape. Originally, Trump was going to go with concrete, but after people protested, Trump decided to upgrade to steel.

“It’s more expensive, like, this much more,” Trump said, gesturing with his hands. “But the wall will be that much more beautiful. I don’t skimp when it comes to business.”

The new steel fencing will be quite aesthetically pleasing, perfect for casting shadow lines down your face when you take a selfie. In fact, it will likely soon become a tourist trap — all along the border!

Environmental reasons — Environmentalists worry that wildlife will have a hard time going about their regular business with a new barrier in their land. But global warming isn’t real, so I don’t even know why we need to talk about the environment anymore. Either t animals will adapt or natural selection will have its day, baby.

Historical reasons — Other activists worry about how bad the wall will look on America in future textbooks. However, to those who are worried that this will be the thing they talk about in history books, look to the many other accomplishments in this presidency that are sure to be included before this, like the Muslim ban, Brett Kavanaugh, Russian collusion, the longest government shutdown in history and the immigrant children “summer camp” program.

Practical reasons — The $5.7 billion price tag isn’t worth it for many Americans. There are so many other day-to-day things to use the wall for that those people don’t realize. Need a volleyball net? Use the wall! A back scratcher? Wall! Love and affection? People have married worse; wall!

Economical reasons — In 2015 alone, trade between the U.S. and Mexico was $583.6 billion. Of course, some of that would lessen with the wall, but trade would increase in new ways. The ladder, shovel and invisible cloak industries are set to boom in the next five years, more than compensating for the initial loss in revenue.

Global reasons — The border is set to wall off a relationship with Mexico and their allies. This will have economic and political setbacks. However, Trump’s strengthened relationship with Russia and North Korea will surely make up for that loss.

Immigration reasons — Some argue that the border wall won’t be effective at stemming illegal immigration. According to the Center for Migration Studies, over 60 percent of undocumented immigrants who came to America in 2016 were here because of overstayed visas.

The administration calls this an “alternative fact.” Immigration, including the illegal variety, will lessen in the next two-to-six years as America becomes less desirable for immigrants. The border wall will be the last straw for many, and therefore, people will be less likely to move to America. One way or another, people will realize this isn’t the greatest country on Earth and stop coming here — which is the true goal of the wall.

Post Author: Madison Connell