Chad Billingsworth posing for his groundbreaking work of activism. graphic by Naomi Dunn

Amazon “fire” sets social media ablaze

War breaks out on the internet over whether or not the Amazon rainforest fire is fake news.

In a stunning turn of events, local soccer mom, Karen Smith, has declared that the Amazon rainforest is just fine; she got her package on time! By the authority vested in her by Facebook, Smith took to telling the truth about the so-called disaster.

“I ordered a new microwave off Amazon and it shipped to my address perfectly on time! Why do people say that it’s burning? I say fake news!”

She claims that the story itself is ludicrous. Many of her friends have had no problem with the company at all, and she believes that if the place were on fire, it would at least cause a shipping delay.

In addition to facts and logic, Smith used science to disprove the allegedly fabricated story.

“And why do people keep saying that the lungs of the earth are on fire? The earth doesn’t need lungs! And they’d fall off the bottom anyway! What, are they just glued to the underside of the earth?”

Social media activists were rallied with Smith’s viral posts. Naturally, there are a great deal of people who believe some meticulous research is in order considering social media gives its users no way of regulating false information. But that would take much too long.

Another naysayer of the disaster, Luis Lemon, added his opinion with a tweet this morning.

“The Amazon is fine! These big ol’ corporations are always starting rumors to get more publicity so they can make more money! This is bad. I’m #woke, thank you.”

Lemon’s post went viral when half of the middle-class adults in America quickly retweeted it to reaffirm their statuses as good people. So far no one has donated a dime to any cause, and their sources are all but nonexistent, but the important thing is everyone who follows these Twitter warriors is now aware of how good of people they are.

On the flip side, there are those on Instagram that have a different point of view. Professional influencer Chad Billingsworth (@YogaVonVeganator) posted a picture of himself posing half-naked next to a Hawaiian palm tree. His only caption was “Amazon.”

Instagram erupted in likes, and #hotguysavestheamazon was born. The Facebook-owned social media site flooded with traffic as people expressed their thoughts and prayers. Incredibly enough, despite the millions of Instagram users typing furiously to save the planet, no physical change ensued. Billingsworth gave his thoughts on the matter.

“I’m just glad I could help out, you know! The environment is so important, and I love trees.”

No one has been able to get it through to him that his efforts to save the Amazon have been as fruitless as a burnt rainforest canopy.

The camp of woke tweeters and Facebook users instigated by Karen Smith eventually butted heads with the group of Instagram users on the issue. Death threats were exchanged; both sides established that the other side was clearly made up of Nazis who also voted for Trump and did 9/11. In the end, all of social media concluded that the Amazon was both on fire, and not on fire, depending on your preference.

Post Author: Brennen Gray