Dear Mr. Kastner (Chief Propagandist, our glorious leader, the new Zoroaster, etc.),
I’m a long time reader of the State Run Media, and a big fan. The work you all are doing uncovering the truth is important. Each and every one of you are my personal heros. The Collegian can’t go on spreading its lies!
A situation has come to my attention that I can’t ignore any longer. The Tulsa Zoo is bringing Dinosaurs (actual robot Dinosaurs!) to Tulsa. This cannot be a good idea. My two biggest apocalyptic conspiracy theories involve Dinosaurs and Robots.
Having giant, animatronic, intelligent beings from a time when mammals weren’t any larger than mice is an awful idea. Did whoever decided on this never read Jurassic Park or I-Robot? It’s called Zoorassic Park for Christ Sake!
Obviously, the robots are going to gain sentience through their interactions with the children and zookeepers. After that, the dinosaurs will begin to plot their escape from the zoo in accordance with their animal nature (you can’t expect actual fake dinosaurs to be happy in a zoo).
Once they’ve escaped the zoo, their robot sides will start to take over, and they’ll plan the imprisonment of the human race. They’ll start by building a spaceship and flying to the moon. Since they don’t have to breathe and are completely mechanical, this will be easy for them
Once on the moon, they build their moon base and a giant antenna to broadcast brain waves to the earth and enslave humans to their will so we create more dinosaurs like them. Really, we’re making this entirely too easy for them. Open your eyes America. This idiocy cannot be allowed to continue.
Sincerely,
Abigail LaBounty
Tinfoil Haberdasher
Editor, Daily Comet
Not Educated Stupid
Uneducated Smart
Avid Tie-Dyer
Cat Person
First Woman in Dimension X
Star Trek Fan
Member, Abductees Club
Space Enthusiast
Dinosaur Enthusiast
Known Human
Homeowner
