The Troy smart speaker, sponsored by Monster Energy, has already helped countless men — just like you — get laid. graphic by Conner Maggio

Artificial intelligence: now just for straight men

Meet Troy, the brand new mansplaining smart speaker, man’s best friend and wingman.

After a long night of bar hopping, flirting and flexing your way across town, you’ve finally brought a suitable conquest home with you.

You’ve wined her, dined her. Things are getting hot and heavy — she’s taken off her jacket —but she makes the dumb decision to open her mouth for something other than pleasing you, saying, “The moon is lovely tonight.”

You, of course, take the opportunity to teach her that the moon controls the Earth’s tides and always looks the same every night as it’s always facing the same way.

Aaaaand that’s the end of your night. She accuses you of mansplaining, covers up her lovely shoulders and storms out.

Have you ever suffered this injustice? Well, we have just the product for you!

Introducing Troy, the mansplaining AI! Troy is similar to other smart speakers like Alexa or Google Home with added features like female-voice detection and automatic informed statement response. It even speaks in a male cadence!

Now when you bring over a lady friend, you can do so with the confidence that if she makes any educated-sounding comment, you won’t have to correct her and risk pissing her off. Your buddy Troy has your back!

“Troy has been a godsend,” says satisfied customer Steven Jacobs. “For years, women were so intimidated by my superior intelligence that none of them would sleep with me. But now thanks to Troy, they can get mad at my speaker and not me!”

“Guess who isn’t a virgin anymore!” said extremely satisfied customer Gabe Warner. “Thanks, Troy!

So pick up a Troy smart speaker today and say goodbye to that dry spell you could totally end if you wanted to you’re just super focused on work right now and don’t really have the time to be out in clubs and bars picking up chicks, but you totally could, I mean, you have the looks and a great personality it’s just that you are very preoccupied with trying to get that promotion at Best Buy right now.

Post Author: Sara Serrano