W!!! Now THIS is content for the University of Tulsa’s newspaper!! Hello, sailor!!! Graphic lovingly by Anna Johns

Talks of remodeling Kendall Hall stirs Phantom of the Opera homing crisis—oh, and… He’s shirtless?

Guess what? I’m doing it, and you can’t stop me! What are you going to do? Pry the Phantom of the Opera off my shoulders and make him stop giving me a deep tissue body massage? You can’t! His hands are lotioned! For a year, I have begged and pleaded with my so-called benevolent fellow […]

Students congregated in Kendall Hall to discuss the value of liberal arts. photo by Ethan Veenker

Fervent student backlash recounted

A student-led grassroots organization fought back against program cuts using chalk and democracy. As soon as TU’s administration released the True Commitment mission statement, faculty, alumni and students immediately resisted this planned restructuring of the university. Community backlash continued for months following the announcement. From passionate outcries at student protests to chalk demanding resignations, the […]

Not quite what itàs chalked up to be, huh? LOL! graphic by Anna Johns

TU Hurricane Spotlight: the vaguely threatening chalk messages around campus

At this point in the semester, things usually seem eerily quiet as the storm of finals draws nearer. Recently, however, the presence of ominous chalk messages reveals the awakening of something dark. Using chalk to advertise for club meetings has long been the norm for TU groups. A walk from Dietler Commons to the Student […]

Five tips to deal psychic damage to your local congressman

With finals season approaching, it’s best to know what petty actions you can take. American elected officials are ideally supposed to listen to their constituents’ voices and reflect their public’s political desires. In any rudimentary government class, a citizen is taught to directly contact their representatives and congresspeople to share their positions on legislation; it […]

Posters around campus are scratch and sniff with the sweet, comforting scent of laundry detergent. graphic by Anna Johns

TU’s Springfest headliner announced: your mom

Yes, you read correctly. Your mother will headline this year’s Springfest. Springfest is an incredibly important annual tradition on TU campus as the event is usually well-attended and well-received—and it’s the only time that students actually pay any attention to whatever Student Association does. Feeling the pressure for this year’s festival, SA tirelessly deliberated and […]

Captain Cane proudly poses in front of the grand opening to the English and Creative Writing Department's new home. graphic by Anna Johns

The English and Creative Writing Department moves buildings to downtown Tulsa’s abandoned Spaghetti Warehouse

TU surprised students and faculty with changing the center of this usually invisible department, and the consequences of this decision went as expected. During the recent English and Creative Writing Department’s Town Hall, faculty confirmed that the department will soon move out of Zink Hall. Like Oxley College of Health Sciences, the English and Creative […]

Senior reconciles with the passage of time after freshman tells them they don’t know about True Commitment

Realizing the True Commitment controversy occurred almost three years ago, TU senior enters a state of panic over how quickly their college years have passed. During the Wednesday Student Union lunch rush, senior P.J. Trachtenberg experienced an existential crisis when he chatted with a group of friends and offhandedly referenced True Commitment — only to […]

Oh, bless the ole violent fella. He was so excited to take this picture. How sweet! graphic by Anna Johns

Anglo-Saxton chieftain arrives at the University of Tulsa to choose a bride

Sent from a past we cannot conceptualize, this virile warrior seeks a fertile wench with whom he can birth powerful sons. Could you be the one? When Pat Case unlocked its doors for hungry students, the undergraduates were shocked to find a grizzled man wearing chainmail with a sword plunged into his sheath. His face-covering […]

This supposedly harbors the same amount of radiation as the Elephant's Foot in Chernobyl. Graphic by Anna Johns

Top 5 opinions on the Ukraine invasion, according to the worst guy you know

It’s hard to know what to think about the Ukraine-Russia crisis, but don’t worry. The guy in your class whose whole deal is to banter with the professor is ready to dish out his thoughts on the invasion. With the ongoing invasion of Ukraine, global fear can be felt more than ever. Uncertainties and anxieties […]

Now THIS is content for the school newspaper! Alright! Hell yeah! graphic by Anna Johns

Seeing campus cats temporarily allows woman to forget about the microplastics shuttling in her ovaries

You get your fix, and I get mine. Mind your business. A heartwarming tradition of the University of Tulsa is the care given to the campus cats. Those little scamps can be found dashing from bush to bush, determined by hell or high water to avoid any of us unworthy peons. Still, cat lovers and […]