Artist’s rendition of a field of $1 bills. Graphic by Conner Maggio

#4: Replace all grass on campus with $1 bills to reduce water usage

To conserve water, we should just replace grass with cash. Students have voiced their concerns for years now: our lawnspace is ridiculous. The university must spend at least a billion dollars on plant care, and students do not want their tuition to go toward a bunch of oxygen-producing leaves. Think about how much we would […]

Former Trump aide indicted for Tupac’s murder

Head of Ukrainian Relations Sasha Popov now faces life in prison for crimes against hip hop. Sunday, March 4, special counsel Robert Mueller finally indicted former Trump aide, Sasha “Face Shooter” Popov, on at least a dozen charges, most notably being the killing of Tupac “Tupac” Shakur. Popov, who was traced to Las Vegas on […]

The email that was sent out to all students with a misleading title. Courtesy Student Association

Abuse of all-school email reveals flawed system

An all-school email with a misleading title aggravated many students last week. Last week, an email titled “Student Association: Important Information,” which contained no Student Association information whatsoever, was sent to all current TU students and consisted of three students asking for votes for the “Red Bull Can You Make It Challenge.” This email is […]

“Fear and Loathing in Seoul, Tulsa” by Jini Kim shows the role Kim’s rat plays in her art. Photos by Conner Maggio

Jini Kim and Mike Teal pieces in MFA/MA gallery

Showcased in their Masters’ galleries, Jini Kim’s work stands out with its conservative use of color and Mike Teal’s pottery ranges from the simple to the complex. “My Rat Problem” by Jini Kim is an assortment of canvas paintings featuring a comic and grotesque rat. The paintings themselves are interesting in that there are usually […]

What exact day and time will you die? (Quiz!)

There are many questions we have to ask ourselves as humans. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do with our gift of life? What used car should I buy? But with these questions, there is one that trumps them all: when can I be done with this shit? Well worry not, take […]

Artist’s rendition of GWB’s rendition of the Obamas’ portrait. Graphic by Michaela Flonard

5 reasons George W. Bush should have done the Obamas’ portraits

With controversy over the Obamas’ official portraits, it is clear that the portraits should have been painted by a more presidential painter. 1. George W. Bush has nothing else to do. Let’s be honest: George has run out of things to do. It’s not like he has the power to start a war or benefit […]

God ensuring Earth’s thermostat is at the right temperature. Graphic by Conner Maggio

Global warming just God being overprotective of the thermostat

Global warming is one of the greatest challenges to our future. But there’s more than one side to this story. Ever since learning about climate change and how global warming is a scam created by the Chinese to sell fans in the 6th grade, I knew that there was something fishy about it, and not […]

Super blue blood moon not even in its final form. Graphic by Adam Lux

Super blue blood moon rituals discovered

Researchers detail ancient blood moon rituals completed by past cultures. Anthropologists have discovered images depicted in ancient Mayan temples, and as everyone knows, the Mayans knew everything about space and the future. The images depicted several ways in which the moon had transformed based on completing very specific rituals during the super blue blood moon. […]