TU Closes C-Store

As many of you are aware, the Hurricane Market (also known as C-Store, Convenience-S and “Store where everything is free”) recently closed, and while there has been a wave of questioning on why it might have closed, the true reason behind the shutdown will be revealed by yours truly, as I am here to speak […]

We Can’t Stop Winning

Sometimes the funniest thing you can write is the objective truth, when everything is so absurd, there is no reason to lie, often simply stating real world events is enough. “We’re gonna win so much, you may even get tired of winning. And you’ll say, ‘Please, please. It’s too much winning. We can’t take it […]

Satirical Activity

For The Collegian, Winter Break is a time of respite from the constant stream of words bouncing around our heads. There are no articles due and no layouts to be done. It is a period of pure respite. So imagine our disdain while opening the office door when we hear what sounds like shuffling and […]

Horoscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19) If you are reading this, it may already be too late for me. Three days ago, on Sunday, Nov. 3, I attempted to use my astrally project myself forward in time to predict the outcome of the election, then return to my corporeal form and gamble all my student […]

Horoscopes

Aries: Wait, you actually play League of Legends, that’s crazy. You like clicking little guys on your computer screen don’t you, does it feel bad when that big red Defeat shows up knowing that it’s your fault. But still typing jgl diff in a vain attempt at deflecting the blame. Taurus: This week is yours […]

TU: Green Machine

In a stunning press conference taking place on Oct. 5 by The University of Tulsa, President Brad Carson announced major changes to the day-to-day operations of TU in a daring bid to decrease energy use and become a net-zero campus. With the program starting in Spring 2025, The University of Tulsa will begin removing overhead […]

Horoscopes

Aries (March 21-April 19): Sorry Aries, no horoscope this week, here’s a recipe for chicken noodle soup instead. So first you need chicken, noodles and soup. Combine in a large pot over medium heat, once boiling, simmer for 10-15 minutes, season to taste, eat or whatever. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Anyone named Alex is LAME! […]

Horoscopes 9/9/2024

Aries (March 21-April 19): PSA to all Aries, getting cut off when talking is annoying, for those talking and listening, don’t butt into conversations that you don’t belong in. Nobody wants to hear your most lukewarm, middle of the road, indecisive take on politics, food and fraternity drama, loser. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Gaslighting, who […]

Horoscopes 9/1/24

Aries (March 21-April 19): Repeat back to me, pink drinks are not a sufficient source of nutrients, got it. Eat your wheaties and go for a run, sitting in front of your laptop is not consistent with a healthy school life balance. See any pretty flowers while running, don’t pick them, but take time to […]

The next TU App still can’t compare to YikYak

YikYak told me to drop out. First they came for the SafeZone app, and I did not speak out – because I never even downloaded it. Then they came for the Blue Lights, and I did not speak out – because they didn’t work in the first place. Then they created SafeUTulsa, and I did […]