Looking back at the highlights of Governor Kevin Stitt’s impressive first term in office, I chose my personal favorites. When Governor Stitt abolished school and replaced it with mandatory Chick-fil-A employment Oklahoma is known for its innovation in amazing inventions like the parking meter and the yield sign, this incredible policy put forward by Governor […]
Author: Kyle Garrison
University installing mandatory gun use training because ‘you’re on your own’
The training was accompanied by new policy encouraging all students to strap up. As it does every fall, the university has recently released its mandatory online trainings. The usual consent and alcohol use trainings are present, but students noticed this past Friday an additional unit added to the list: firearm usage. In an era of […]
Sororities pledge to better support brunettxs
TU Panhellenic Council pledges to work towards a future with more hair color diversity, frats protest. Ever working towards a progressive future, the Notorious RBG-pin-wearing chairwoman of the Panhellenic council made a public statement on the trajectory of future sorority demographic makeups. Her speech highlighted that “it’s not the hair color that matters, it’s whether […]
Okay, but which religion is right?
First-year student getting confused as to which campus ministry group they need to join to avoid eternal damnation. Picture this: walking by yourself, minding your own goddamn business, trying to walk to the Allen Chapman Student Union when suddenly, a saint appears. This delegate of all that is holy pronounces: “Do you want the smallest […]
Best and worst study spots on campus
As the esteemed satire editor at The Collegian, I would like to welcome all first-year students to our quirky little campus. I know you all will make the university and your parents proud — that is if you are a CS major who ends up working for a military contractor, otherwise they will be most […]
A love letter to Sodexo
Nowhere at TU can you find a more diverse culture than in the beloved Pat Case dining center. Mold. I am talking about mold. Sodexo, known worldwide for its London broil, mediocre at best sushi and private prisons, has run our on-campus dining for as long as anyone cares to remember, or I presume. I […]
I found myself studying abroad
And I have found that I am better than you. I know that this sounds cliche but now that I’m studying abroad in Praha (Prague in Czech), my perspective has broadened so much. Now I understand how much better than everyone else I am. I used to struggle so much with self-esteem, but compared to […]
Only a gun can stop Jake Gyllenhaal
I used to believe in gun control. Then Jake Gyllenhaal didn’t visit Taylor Swift on her birthday. This has been a hard few weeks for me. Once the idea of owning an AK-47 was entirely foreign to me. Now I cannot imagine a world in which I would not be able to access a weapon […]
Ethical landlord dots the ‘i’s in his eviction notices with little hearts
Free will? You get that for free? My landlord charges, like, $80 for not following the Oracle of Delphi. Liberals of late, find it “trendy” to villainize landlords, one of our nation’s most important jobs. To these unamerican, gun-hating, soy-eating, piece of garbage liberals I ask one question: is it an American ideal to make […]
No, no, you misunderstand. I committed tax fraud as a joke.
I don’t know why everyone is making such a big deal out of this. It was sarcastic. Jesus, nobody knows how to take a joke anymore. What a bunch of snowflakes.I don’t know why everyone is making such a big deal out of this. It was sarcastic. Jesus, nobody knows how to take a joke […]