President Levit’s first order: censor Cl*ncy

Although she’s only been in power a week, Levit is already making sweeping changes. It was announced two weeks ago that President Gerard Cl*ncy would be resigning from office and that Provost Janet Levit was taking over as Interim President. Now that Levit has achieved her final form of Supreme Interim Ruler (SIR for short), […]

Horoscopes

Now that you’re a semester into the year and fresh off the high of failing all your finals, you’re probably wondering why you’re still in your major. We at The State Run Media have found a solution! Make smarter decisions in 2020 and choose a new major based on your zodiac sign. Aries — Marketing […]

Up from the witch’s brew came the Golden Hurricane. graphic by Emma Palmer

Where has all the money gone?

The answer might surprise you. On Wednesday, Oct. 16, economics professor Dr. Matthew Hendricks gave a presentation comparing TU’s allocation of funds to that of other colleges and universities. Many students I have talked to have praised Hendricks for his great use of graphs and straightforward explanation of our money usage. One student even said, […]

I’m not compensating for the size of my dick, I swear

Interview with “truck bro” goes horribly wrong. This week in “Strange Strangers found on the Vegas Strip,” I found a college student who seemed to be a little to into polishing his truck. The following are his gushings about said truck, so strap in because you’re in for quite a ride. “Yo wassup my bromies, […]

The university orchestra has performed Delius’s “La Calinda” and Kabalevsky’s “Colas Breugnon” in past years. courtesy University of Tulsa

University Symphony Orchestra delievers animated performance

The group performed Weber, Beethoven and Grieg in their fall concert. On Monday, Oct. 28, the University of Tulsa Symphony Orchestra had its first concert of the year. The performance included the overture to “Der Freischütz” by Carl Maria von Weber, “Piano Concerto No. 3 in C Minor” by Ludwig van Beethoven and “Norwegian Dances” […]

Here are some spoopy horrorscopes for your pagan pleasure. Enjoy! Aries – Werewolf – Have a crazy ex-boyfriend who follows you everywhere? Try this simple solution! Become a werewolf. He won’t recognize you, and it’s a fun way to spice up your sex life because your new boyfriend is very much a furry, but didn’t […]

Jimmy John is expected to make a full recovery, in prison. graphic by Emma Palmer

Student yelling “Hit me, bitch!” struck by vehicle

Determined to get free tuition, TU student risks it all in middle of the street. Many students can be heard all over campus screaming at cars. Some might assume this is an attempt to warn said cars of their presence to avoid getting hit. Nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, they are […]

Karen provided this family portrait featuring her then-boyfriend Travis and the late Amy. graphic by Naomi Dunn

Karen please take me back

Woman dumps boyfriend after he kills her house plants. A man named Travis of Monterey, California came to our offices this morning with a wild tale. He told us that his girlfriend left him because he “murdered” her house plants. He seemed adamant that we know the entire story, so we let the tape recorder […]