Our Secretary of Education decided to throw out syllabuses in favor of innovation.
Throw away your syllabi. This is America, you li’l pipsqueaks. Yeah, you heard me right, you Tik-Tok watching procrastinator. I called you a pipsqueak, and you’re going to listen to me. Why?
Because Betsy DeVos has created a new law punishable by the loss of your diploma. Are you about to graduate? If you have your syllabus, not anymore! Throw that ugly piece of paper with all that useless stuff about mental health help, Title IX stuff, grade portions, overview of classwork and homework assignments away, because this is America, and Betsy DeVos has demanded that you help make it GREAT again.
Why has our Secretary of Education deemed it valuable that we now go into each class completely blind and to the mercy of our professors? Simple. Education isn’t “innovative” enough. The school systems are all too close-minded. How did Facebook, Google, Uber and Amazon become the top companies of this digital age? By entrepreneurship. The reason why we don’t have a school system equivalent to these money making machines is obviously because we’re too stale and stuck in the old way of producing goods (aka graduates). Everyone is graduating with so many technical skills that literally no one has the ability to entrepreneur the school systems anymore (smh).
That doesn’t make sense, you say. Oh, really? Then how about this? The syllabus is the product of the flat-earthers. What is a flat-earther, you ask (because you haven’t been educated enough by our education system to know)? Excellent question. Betsy will get back to you on that one, but she says, “They definitely are involved in the meddling of some sort of science. There is, for sure, something fishy going on in that area, not to be confused with Area 51.” She will listen for word on them from her little birds and get back to us, but until then, beware! The flat-earthers bring with them the Syllabus.
What will you do now without the guide of your crutch, the Syllabus? How will you hope to pass the one semester you decided to stack up on workload and try out the 18-hour hustle?
Betsy herself will single-handedly rewrite our schools’ grading guidelines. Now, instead of being graded on your useless little “technical” and “critical-thinking” skills, she will implement advanced Artificial Intelligence to facially recognize potential successful people. After all, the future is now. Good luck beating that one!
At least this might be the push you needed to become the next vlogging sensation on YouTube, or the next great Twitch streamer. God Bless America.