Cousin Shapiro and Grandaddy Sanders having a polite political conversation over mashed potatoes. graphic by Conner Maggio

How to make Thanksgiving dinner the calmest ever

Don’t worry about upsetting the relatives again with these hot tips. Fall Break is right around the corner, and with it comes everyone’s favorite meal: Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone knows that Thanksgiving can be a bit of a minefield, so I have a few tips that will help keep your supper as calm and pleasant as […]

Three midterm madness results

Interesting developments in the midterm election results from last week, including a dead candidate winning and a gentlemen’s duel. The 2018 midterm elections took place last Tuesday, Nov. 6, and while some votes have yet to be counted, the results are more or less in. As expected, the Democrats took the majority in the House […]

Tinder Pay: for those who already use it for prostitution

Tinder creates a new pay feature, a hybrid of its current app, Uber and PayPal, where you can reimburse people for “gas.” Ever since its fateful release on Sept. 12, 2012, Tinder has become a fallback for pleasure-seekers and romantics alike who do not want to meet people in real life. Men make up the […]

The mastermind behind some of the fan favorites of the Hogue’s new gallery. graphic by Conner Maggio

Masterpiece or mockery?

After three weeks of appreciation, the legitimacy of the prestigious new TU exhibit comes into question. After the Alexander Hogue Gallery’s newest exhibit, titled “A Journey Through Time,” opened recently, the gallery staff noticed a mix-up. The exhibit was meant to be a survey of some of the hallmarks of art history, from the brushstrokes […]

TU’s MRS degree focuses on how to multitask as a young mother. One approach is growing more arms. graphic by Conner Maggio

TU proposes MRS degree

Exciting new opportunities arise for female TU students who are sick of their overly-academic studies. Ladies! Have you had a tough semester? Did midterms really get to you? Is your STEM career path looking too difficult to carry on with? Congratulations! Your Christian prayers have been answered. Next semester, the University of Tulsa will offer […]

Rudy McRoadhog behind bars for breaking the Golden Rule: drive as one would wish others to drive. graphic by Conner Maggio

Hand wavin’ heathen handcuffed

Foreign trucker breaks longstanding Oklahoma tradition and awaits trial. Rudy “Chad” McRoadhog, a trucker from Ohio, passed through Oklahoma last weekend Oct. 3, 2018 and found himself in jail the next morning. McRoadhog neglected to make the mandatory hand-wave to a driver who let him into the right lane. The trucker reportedly wished to turn […]

Benjamin Franklin, Elon Musk, Abraham Lincoln (Vampire Hunter) and President Trump on Mount Slowless. graphic by Conner Maggio

The definitive list of best United States presidents

The hard truth about our country’s greatest historical figures. To spice things here in the dying industry of newspaper print, we have compiled a list of the top 10 presidents of the United States. Here is the rundown: First, some honorable mentions. We looked and looked through this list and after extensive combing, narrowed out […]

Letter from the propagandist

My lovely future constituents, Last week, I needed to blow my nose, so I picked up my first newspaper in months. Before I did the deed, I opened the Tulsa World and, to my suprise, Kevin Stitt’s face was plastered on it accompanied with the word “endorsement.” Who knew papers would blatantly try to sway […]

Proposal: #DontKneedU

A counter-protest has formed in response to football players kneeling during the national anthem. In our current state of affairs, protests are a daily occurance. People, now more than ever, want to truly feel as though their voices are heard. With the introduction of social movements and protests, there always seems to be a countermovement […]

Choose your fighter: the three contenders for why the campus lights stopped working. graphic by Conner Maggio

Freshmen aren’t the only ones that black out on campus

Three conspiracy theories on why the campus lights didn’t turn on. Last week, The University of Tulsa experienced a blackout of the sidewalk lights that impacted much of campus Sunday Oct. 21, 2018. Here are the top theories on the cause. Clowns, Part Two The Pennywises of the world have struck again! Remember the uprising […]