Goldie II used as bait for campus scavanger hunt

I suppose you have to take drastic measures to get any kind of student turnout for campus activities. With the fall semester, the University of Tulsa’s campus engagement team has attempted to further student relations through the creation of new activities. One such activity was the faux “Mission Impossible” style scavenger hunt to save Goldie, […]

Please don’t look at the fact that most eviction notices are sent out to people of color. I wouldn’t know, because I don’t “see” color. graphcic by Anna Johns

Ethical landlord dots the ‘i’s in his eviction notices with little hearts

Free will? You get that for free? My landlord charges, like, $80 for not following the Oracle of Delphi. Liberals of late, find it “trendy” to villainize landlords, one of our nation’s most important jobs. To these unamerican, gun-hating, soy-eating, piece of garbage liberals I ask one question: is it an American ideal to make […]

From left to right: a wounded Captain Cane, my ex-girlfriend Rhonda, Janet Levit and some smoking foreign exchange students. Hallowed be thy name. graphic by Anna Johns

Hurricane Spotlight: the encounterable supernatural creatures on campus

Honestly, they’re kind of boring with their whole “woe is me, my body has decomposed into the sands of time wah wah” nonsense. October welcomes us with a flushed, haphazardous greeting. Around campus, students must contend with the frequent tour groups guiding prospective students as well as the scheduled rise of ghost sightings of the […]

This depiction of “Dear Evan Hansen” is a little weird to me, but who am I to complain? graphic by Anna Johns

My fraternity is morally (but also financially) bankrupt

Dad, if you are reading, please send money. Listen, I know. Fraternities are tools for status quo maintenance by maintaining generational wealth through “networking” which is shorthand for nepotistic cronyism. Not to mention, the “brotherhood” is mainly a function of trauma bonding with the intent of conformity, forcing men into the mold that is toxic […]

Glistening abs but no shining penis? Nice try, liberals, but we won’t open up for that bait. graphic by Anna Johns

Driller Update: not enough

Though we have seen concessions, we must stay vigilant If you have watched the news this week, you will have noticed the effect my recent letter to the editor has had. At Tulsa’s own Oktoberfest celebration, the threatened snowflakes behind the scenes made an attempt at appeasement at restoring the Driller’s masculinity. This experimental take […]

artistic rendition by Anna Johns The silent will no longer be voiceless. The Golden Driller will no longer be penisless.

Letter to the editor: how the mighty have fallen

Art is dead, and we do ourselves no favors in erasing the last vestiges of the Renaissance. To anyone who frequently peruses The Collegian, it should be abundantly clear how depraved our society has become. The moral degradation of this nation never appears more obvious than in the vile filth present in this publication. Occasionally, […]

Mandatory alcohol training inspires drinking game

The mandatory training on alcohol safety is due next Wednesday. Here’s a new training-based drinking game to get you through the slog. The due date for the “Alcohol Awareness for Students” training is coming up fast. I know how much of a hassle this can be, especially when it takes up valuable time that could […]