Trump has promoted his VP to Virus Spreader-in-Chief. Vice Supreme Leader Michael Pence has been named the CEO of Coronavirus, the hot new trend sweeping the globe! Trump came out and made the decision public recently citing the usual amount of logic for his decision. As the nation watched on, Pence gave a speech on […]
Has Biden absorbed the life-force of younger Dems? Who is former Vice President Joe Biden? After Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar dropped out of the race for the Democratic nomination last week, no one has seen either of them. But I, the intrepid student journalist that I am, know the truth. Biden sucked the life-force […]
Although she’s only been in power a week, Levit is already making sweeping changes. It was announced two weeks ago that President Gerard Cl*ncy would be resigning from office and that Provost Janet Levit was taking over as Interim President. Now that Levit has achieved her final form of Supreme Interim Ruler (SIR for short), […]
Women are often degraded in anime. The solution? Just watch shows without women! When I began watching anime, I was around 14 years old. I knew of “Cardcaptor Sakura” and some good old timey animes, but nothing that was really trending or popular. I didn’t really know what I was gravitating towards in popular anime, […]
Admin rolls the dice with new “D&D” campaign. The esports lounge is open! It was something the student population asked for, and lo and behold the administration delivered. But could there be another reason the administration decided to build the cutting-edge facility? The first full week the esports lounge was open, students could hardly fit […]
Please shower me in your money Daddy Donald. 🙂 Governor Kevin Stitt gave the 2020 State of the State address last Monday, but instead of reporting the current condition of Oklahoma, he used his speech to submit his application to be President Donald Trump’s sugar baby. The transcript lies below (just like Kevin): First I […]
Drunken scientists forgot to turn the clock back an hour; turns out everything’s okay! On Jan. 23, 2020, it was announced that the Doomsday Clock, a symbol of humanity’s ever-shrinking embrace with extinction, had been moved to 100 seconds to midnight. Reporters say at the time of that announcement, millions of people across the world […]
Hans Johnson walked free after convincing the judge to ignore witnesses. Hope came to Tulsa last week in the murder trial of Hans Johnson. Johnson, who was arrested in December after he stole a newscaster’s microphone to proclaim that “[he] definitely killed three people, why yes sir,” is currently on trial for a completely different […]
Two reporters pay the ultimate price to protest bloated spending at TU. Early last week, I was taking my nightly stroll around campus when I witnessed an odd trio in the parking lot behind Collins Hall. One was enveloped in a blood red glow, two horn-like growths sprouting from his head, He leered down at […]
Racist?? No way! The BBC is just super #woke. Last week, the BBC made the edgy provocative move of broadcasting LeBron James footage when reporting on the passing of Kobe Bryant. The BBC played us like a damn fiddle by subverting our expectations and implemented the transitive property to great effect. What is the transitive […]
