Category: State-Run

Some TU students just can’t seem to handle the sexiness of these cats. The polls are in, and the results are harrowing. For the first time in 70 years, the approval rating of TU’s campus cats has dropped below 33 percent. Given the outlier’s coincidence with the release of Disney’s “Cats,” theorists are attributing the […]

DIY yourself out of having to die in a war you don’t agree with! With all that silly stuff with Iran coming up and bombs and other lovely explosions across the sea (who really cares?), the draft has reared its ugly head and reminded men that for some reason you still have to sign up […]

See? You’d be charming too if you weren’t on your damn phone all day. The Collins Fitness Center staff here on TU campus are reporting increased levels of charisma after working entire shifts without access to their phones. Student Services revealed this inexplicable statistic after a recent survey of work-study students. One gym staffer, who […]

A lavish event, Meghan and Harry leave the royal family in style. Since the world is still preoccupied with ridiculous privilege, obscene wealth and gluttonous excess, it is apparently necessary to once again talk about the British royal family.. England’s obsession over its ceremonial royal family is like a rash in your nether region; you […]

Now that you’re a semester into the year and fresh off the high of failing all your finals, you’re probably wondering why you’re still in your major. We at The State Run Media have found a solution! Make smarter decisions in 2020 and choose a new major based on your zodiac sign. Aries — Marketing […]

Jane Stephens won our hearts in her Oscar-winning role. Amid unfavorable press coverage on its liberal arts cutbacks, a bright star has arisen from one of TU’s many sunsetted programs. One of the University of Tulsa’s own, Jane Stephens, has won an Oscar for her recent performance at the university. However, her work was not […]

Intrepid journalist Anna Johns and Adam Walsh (the other one) uncover the cheesy truth behind the no confidence vote last Thursday. Upon last week’s discovery of Doctor Geronimo Clancy using hangman chalkings to steal his students’ souls, possessed by the Great Old One Azathoth, we, the intrepid duo of Anna Johns and the other one, […]

For all those tricky family members you’ve never actually met. As the semester winds down and the holiday music in malls ramps up, Christmas shopping lists (and prices) are starting to be tallied. Besides the normal gifts (socks for grandpa, gift card for Aunt Susan, etc.), your parents have probably started to dictate some additional […]

A simple question leaves me cutting through a jungle of red tape. I’m nearly there, dear reader. Answers are hard to come by in this present climate. I never expected this journey to be easy, but I also never thought I’d change so much along the way. Monday morning. The McFarlin cafe. Two dollars and […]

Are you excited about MCR’s return? So are all the lost and forgotten emos of the world. After breaking up in 2013, My Chemical Romance left killjoys and emos all over the world in tears. The band had no intention of reuniting until the four ex-band members all simultaneously ran into each other in a […]