Student mutes group chat, misses founding of three nations

20 February 2017
Sam Beckmann, Only sends emoji

When a student put their phone down for fifteen minutes, they realized that the group chat had founded a full three independent nations.

TREND ALERT: professors are trying this weird party trick

20 February 2017
Sam Beckmann, Gave himself a pepper

Professors have started throwing parties dedicated to reading their “Rate My Professors” profiles.

Just say no: how to not meet new people

20 February 2017
Amy Cairns, Has no friends

A student has founded a new organization dedicated to helping other students avoid meeting people outside of their small group of friends.

Mad prophet preaches about margarita machine at the Hut

13 February 2017
Adam Lux, Tired of low-point beer

A student has been spotted in ACAC preaching about the possibility of The Hut getting a margarita machine.

Valentine’s Day Special: [Your Name Here], will you marry me?

13 February 2017
Sam Chott, Already rented the ring

If you’re reading this, I am currently willing to marry you. Note that this offer is extended on a first-come, first-serve basis.

Heartwarming! Iranian student given extended family vacation

7 February 2017
Sam Beckmann, Volunteer border guard

President Donald Trump’s executive order on immigration gave a TU student an extended excused absence from school.

Clancy halts immigration from St. Louis

7 February 2017
Adam Lux, St. Louisian refugee

TU President Gerard Clancy has banned all St. Louisian students, even legal Tulsa residents, from attending TU.

Freshman starts sweating profusely after Campo knock

7 February 2017
Conner Maggio, 21, but forgot his ID

After Campus Security officers arrived at a party, the freshman who answered the door became increasingly nervous.

“Trump has gone too far this time,” says student who has politics on Facebook feed

7 February 2017
Joe Moran, Unfollows anyone who posts about politics

A local student who now has to deal with unwelcome shares from the ACLU is the true victim of Trump’s policies.

Attacks on masculinity finally succeed, America feminized

31 January 2017
Adam Lux, Former beard-haver

After the Women’s March on Washington, masculinity is defeated, leaving the nation without manliness.