TU’s smoke signals are losing effectiveness. graphic by Emma Palmer

Signals from admin up in smoke

Honestly, only the pope should smoke. In the wake of Clancy temporarily stepping down as president of the University of Tulsa citing health concerns, the student body of the university was left in the dark. But this wasn’t on purpose. After further investigation, it became clear to me that there was an obvious miscommunication. Somehow […]

Her power only grows stronger ... graphic by Collegian staff

Letter from the Propagandist

My dearest loyal subjects (of voting age), It is my great pleasure to announce the State-Run Media’s 2020 presidential endorsement. After much careful consideration and brutal deliberation, I have decided to endorse none other than our own TU Provost, Vice President of Academic Affairs and Interim President Janet Levit for President (of the United States). […]

The TU campus cats are not happy with the negative publicity the movie “Cats” has brought them. graphic by Emma Palmer

Campus cats at record low popularity

Some TU students just can’t seem to handle the sexiness of these cats. The polls are in, and the results are harrowing. For the first time in 70 years, the approval rating of TU’s campus cats has dropped below 33 percent. Given the outlier’s coincidence with the release of Disney’s “Cats,” theorists are attributing the […]

Without their phones, gym employees are forced to make conversation. graphic by Emma Palmer

Collins Fitness Center churns out charismatic co-eds

See? You’d be charming too if you weren’t on your damn phone all day. The Collins Fitness Center staff here on TU campus are reporting increased levels of charisma after working entire shifts without access to their phones. Student Services revealed this inexplicable statistic after a recent survey of work-study students. One gym staffer, who […]

Horoscopes

Now that you’re a semester into the year and fresh off the high of failing all your finals, you’re probably wondering why you’re still in your major. We at The State Run Media have found a solution! Make smarter decisions in 2020 and choose a new major based on your zodiac sign. Aries — Marketing […]

Clancy sought to stack the vote with his dark magic. graphic by Emma Palmer

Gerard Clancy and Rattus rattus

Intrepid journalist Anna Johns and Adam Walsh (the other one) uncover the cheesy truth behind the no confidence vote last Thursday. Upon last week’s discovery of Doctor Geronimo Clancy using hangman chalkings to steal his students’ souls, possessed by the Great Old One Azathoth, we, the intrepid duo of Anna Johns and the other one, […]