Mencher’s misused Kermit meme from the email. Graphic by Madeline Woods

Student sends school-wide email promoting his SoundCloud

Those who clicked the link said that Carson Mencher’s SoundCloud wasn’t even good. “This is a violation of the sacred trust between SA and students, or something like that,” said junior Maddy Garfunkel in reference to last week’s schoolwide email sent by senior SA member Carson Mencher. The email in question was sent Monday morning […]

What exact day and time will you die? (Quiz!)

There are many questions we have to ask ourselves as humans. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do with our gift of life? What used car should I buy? But with these questions, there is one that trumps them all: when can I be done with this shit? Well worry not, take […]

Graphic by Kayleigh Thesenvitz

“Vagina Monologues” interrupted by “Penis Monologues”

This weekend, “The Penis Monologues” succeeded in its goal of undermining women. Last week, the University of Tulsa put on a production of Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues” in Tyrell Hall for S.A.V. E. Week. The play is normally an occasion of empowerment and catharsis, meant to bring awareness to violence against women through stories […]

Artist’s rendition of GWB’s rendition of the Obamas’ portrait. Graphic by Michaela Flonard

5 reasons George W. Bush should have done the Obamas’ portraits

With controversy over the Obamas’ official portraits, it is clear that the portraits should have been painted by a more presidential painter. 1. George W. Bush has nothing else to do. Let’s be honest: George has run out of things to do. It’s not like he has the power to start a war or benefit […]

God ensuring Earth’s thermostat is at the right temperature. Graphic by Conner Maggio

Global warming just God being overprotective of the thermostat

Global warming is one of the greatest challenges to our future. But there’s more than one side to this story. Ever since learning about climate change and how global warming is a scam created by the Chinese to sell fans in the 6th grade, I knew that there was something fishy about it, and not […]

Ruffles' new “Lady Ruffles” product promises to please. Graphic by Madeline Woods

Lady Doritos: a victory for feminism

In response to Frito-Lay’s breakthrough new product line, other big companies are announcing lady-specific products. As a woman, I often find it difficult to enjoy my favorite snack foods when I’m out on the town. Chips, in particular, are often a strain on my delicate sensibilities. They are simply too loud and messy to be […]

Eye contact deemed micro-cheating in new study

A group of infidelity experts published research on the hazards that eye contact with a platonic friend can have on a relationship. A recent study in “The Journal of Relational and Sexual Dysfunction” informed readers of the newest travesty in the world of infidelity: eye-contact. The three experts, Dr. Ho of the University of Djibouti, […]

A student walking out of the Chick-Fil-A bathroom. Graphic by Madeline Woods

What students really do in on-campus bathrooms

Get the most out of your bathroom visits across campus by thinking outside the stall. Oliphant, third floor: cry. The cleaning staff never disturb you; they’ll only give you a half-hearted glance and leave you in peace. The emptiness plus the warmth from the windows makes you feel like you’re cocooned with only the weight […]

I wanted to show you a photo of the new logo but it was deemed inappropriate. Graphic by Adam Lux

Cleveland Indians to replace Chief Wahoo with more racist logo

Fans speculate over what the baseball team’s new, even more racist, logo will be. People have long worried that the infamous Chief Wahoo is too politically correct. The Indians General Manager is finally changing this. “We need to step up the racism around here,” he said. “I mean, we barely offend 10 percent of the […]