BREAKING: Student votes in SA Senate election

In an as-of-yet unconfirmed report, sources say that Jennifer Valdez, a freshman accounting major, cast a vote in the most recent SA Senate election. The election, which determines who represents the student body and decides on important decisions such as funding for organizations across campus, is largely ignored by students. “I’m honestly shocked,” an anonymous […]

Confused nation sends Oklahoma support after earthquake

The recent earthquake started a new wave of the popular Facebook trend of sending plenty of likes, kindhearted posts, and even money to Tulsa. The earthquake, which could even be felt in Nebraska, caused many concerned grandparents, second-cousins, and even total strangers who don’t know anyone in the Tulsa area to send their loving support […]

Brave student stops attending class after three weeks

A fearless student makes the decision many have wanted to make, but never felt they could, when she decided to stop attending class after three weeks. This serves as more evidence in support of rumors hinting at the existence of an underground movement for students, encouraging them to stand up in the face of societal […]

French officials protect women from themselves

In recent weeks, French officials have made the bold and heroic move to ban the Burkini (a full body piece of swimwear primarily worn by Muslim women) from French beaches. In doing so, they have freed Muslim women from the chains of misogyny. One lawmaker, Christian Estrosi, stated the wisdom behind the ban: “[A] public […]

Scientists threaten to move off-planet if Trump wins

Scientists recently made a historical discovery in the form of Proxima b, an Earth-like planet orbiting in the habitable zone around the Sun’s closest neighbor, Proxima Centauri. At a mere 4.2 light years away this planet is still far out of range of where we can reasonably travel to with our current technology; however, that […]