Classifieds: Seeking friend slightly less hot than me

21-year-old fun-loving male (Gemini) seeking similarly aged straight male (preferably Cancer but this is negotiable) who is slightly less attractive than I am. Man should be less than five feet ten inches but not shorter than five feet six inches (I don’t want to look too tall either). Man should be between 150 and 200 pounds with very little muscle definition.

Most importantly, applicants should have bland hair. Not bad hair but just a very generic, bland haircut with no interesting colours or styles. It shouldn’t look like your mom cut it or anything but more like that one friend that your mom “is just trying to help start her business” cut it. This is the most important requirement. IF YOU HAVE NICE OR INTERESTING HAIR PLEASE DO NOT APPLY.

Requirements for the job would be to go out to bars and parties with me on weekends and stand next to me. Nice, appropriate, but plain clothing should be worn by applicants when on the clock. Applicants will be required to speak some, but not say anything too interesting and to always tactfully lead to conversation back to me. Applicants should have a believable and not overly interesting backstory (if your real backstory fits that description you may use that). You can engage in storytelling as long as the story involves me and paints me in a positive, attractive light. Applicants should have good oral communication skills and a good sense of “when to leave a conversation.” This is of vital importance to the job and will be tested before final offer.

Pay would be $15 a night plus one (1) free drink. Pay raise will be available if performance is satisfactory.

Unfortunately, I’m only looking for male applicants at this time. However, be on the lookout come Thanksgiving for “Man seeking ‘girlfriend’ who is hot but not so hot that people would be suspicious.”

Do NOT contact this poster with unsolicited services or offers.

Post Author: tucollegian

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *