As anyone who has at least a remote interest in the future of this country knows, last Monday the Democratic Caucus in Iowa resulted in a virtual tie between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.
The close poll results prove something that the shadowy government-funded puppeteers of the State-Run Media have known for a long time: your opinion doesn’t matter.
It seems that every article on your Facebook feed, every politics-related retweet, and every time you shoehorned your preferred candidate into conversation has yet to lead the American people to a decision.
So at this point, what is there to do? More politically inclined people may say not to give up hope. They may believe that every vote counts and that engaging more people in the political process is the best way to determine what the American people really want.
Thankfully, we at the State-Run Media know better. Congratulating mediocrity and indecision isn’t going to get the nation anywhere. If thousands of maize-maniac Iowans can’t figure out who the president is going to be by literally just standing around to “caucus” for their favorite upper-class white person, who can?
It’s obvious that the system is broken beyond repair. It’s time for a political movement to save this nation from itself. Some people say the best way to enact change is to vote. We’ve unfortunately seen where that got us, so the only reasonable solution is to enact change by mass failure to vote. If nobody votes, the system falls apart under its own weight. No votes = No president. It’s practically PoliSci 1013.
The founding fathers made a grave error with the assumption that people would want to engage in political action and discourse. Granted, in their day there wasn’t that much else to do instead.
It’s time to make your voice heard, resident of Tulsa. Follow this simple two-step process, and you too can #StopPolitics as we grow ever closer to #NoVoteNovember.
1) Every time you feel the sweet, sweet urge to click that share button on a dank Trump meme or yet another article about Hillary’s emails, just draw a really big cat on Microsoft Paint and post it. People will get way more enjoyment out of how wacky the size of that cat is than they ever would seeing some poll.
2) Please check the primary date for your state (March 1 for Oklahoma), and promptly forget it. Please remember your polling place, though, so that you may effectively avoid it for the rest of your days.
It’s going to be hard to adhere to these rules, but it wouldn’t be worth doing if it was going to be easy. As Martin Luther King Jr. may or may not have said at some point in time, ”Politics is kinda dumb.” Truly inspirational.