History has been made. The Cubs have finally broken a 108 year streak of consistent mediocrity that statisticians were calling “magical” and “extremely improbable.” While many in Chicago are legitimately celebrating, many, many more around the country are outwardly celebrating while quietly and slowly drying on the inside.
The State-Run Media was able to interview one of these fans from Tulsa, who prefered to stay nameless. According to this fan, he has been supporting the Cubbies his whole life despite never even visiting Chicago. “I just like the idea they represented,” he said, “like being bad for that long… it’s kinda supernatural.” He said one of his favorite things about being a Cubs fan was saying “Hey man, I’m a Cubs fan,” whenever someone was complaining about their sports team being bad.
When asked about the moment the Cubs clinched the series he said “At first I was so excited. I was with a bunch of other Cubs fans and we were all jumping up and down and shouting. But then I had a realization. Now, the Cubs are no longer special. They’re just like any other team.” His eyes dropped to the floor and he seemed to be holding back tears. “It’s like the Cubs that I supported for so long are gone. It’s like they betrayed me.”
This phenomenon is not limited to hipsters outside Chicago. Inside sources suggest that a member of the Cubs’ own team attempted to sabotage the game in an effort to “preserve the streak.” Joe Maddon, upon realizing that his team might actually win the World Series, apparently starting making “interesting” coaching decisions. Many are now questioning whether he had the best interests of the team in mind during Game 7.
Whether you’re a fan or not, one thing is clear: the Cubs are a different team now. A different, less important, team.