The last movie for Disney is expected to be a live action “Bambi” that features furries because of budget cuts. graphic by Conner Maggio

Disney Studios runs out of live actions and remakes, bankrupts

Disney’s new motto: original new ideas, who dat?

I should have seen it coming. As evidenced by the new live action “Mulan,” “Aladdin” and “Dumbo” movies, to “Toy Story 4” and “Frozen 2,” Disney has run out of new ideas. While there are still a few more animated movies they could make into live-action films (“Finding Nemo” and “Lady and the Tramp” come to mind), the executives at the Walt Disney Company have decided to (finally) close down Disney’s movie division.

Shutting down the core business of the Walt Disney Company could not have been a simple decision, but looking back at some of the recent movies that came out, it also shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. Sure, “The Nutcracker and the Four Realms” sounded like a good idea and had live-action dancing, but who could forget the disaster that was “Cars 3” (the sequel to the failed sequel to the original “Cars”), the live action “Jungle Book” or even “A Wrinkle in Time,” the latest butchering of a beloved childhood novel? Don’t forget the rumors of a sequel to “Hannah Montana: The Movie” and a new film called “Earth: This Time We Focus On Humans.”

Obviously, it seems that the Imagineers that are coming up with the movie concepts have run out of imagination. Before 2021, Disney will have had three dozen live action remakes come out and too many sequels to count. It seems that they just decided on an “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy. That caused all the talent to leave, meaning that suddenly, they had no other choice but to make a fourth “Lion King” and a seventh “Little Mermaid.”

As Disney’s Marvel Studios mayhem continued to make oodles and oodles of dough, it became clear that Walt Disney Studios could not keep up. When asked to comment, Sherri Francis, a senior executive assistant to the head Imagineer, commented, “Honestly, I saw it coming. My boss just was unable to come up with anything new. In pitch meetings, he would spitball a sequel to Disney Channel Original Movies but as full length films. Like, seriously, no one needs a third ‘Camp Rock.’ And that wasn’t even his worst idea! Imagine someone actually pitching you a prequel to ‘Frozen’ but it’s just about Elsa’s childhood. Come on, we already played that out, and it didn’t even take an entire song!”

Apparently, it got so bad in recent months that some Imagineers had come to rely on random movie generators to come up with pitches. These generators came up with such concepts as “‘Wreck It Ralph’ prequel but from the villain’s POV” and “Mashup of ‘Wizards of Waverly Place’ and ‘Little Red Riding Hood.’”

Don’t worry though! As Disney’s movie production studio shuts down, it leaves open the opportunity for even more Marvel and Pixar movies. Oh wait, you didn’t want a fifth “Thor” movie or a sequel to “Turbo”? Too bad! I did hear that there might be a third “Captain Marvel” movie already in pre-production, so stay tuned!

Post Author: Hannah Robbins