Everyone who sat through the first presidential debate last Tuesday can agree that tensions between the candidates were incredibly high. The two men bit and tore into each other like animals, interrupting, name-calling and turning the debate into more of a cat fight than a serious discussion of policy.
Of course, with the recent diagnosis of President Trump and First Lady Melania with COVID-19, concerns have moved to who else the president might have infected, including Vice President Biden.
Experts point to several times in the evening where the virus might have accidentally been transmitted.
“All that shouting may have propelled contaminated water droplets at Mr. Biden,” said Dr. Kalimba, an epidemiologist. “And of course, there was that extremely hot makeout session the candidates had on stage once the cameras were cut.”
Yes, much to the surprise of the audience and one very disturbed Chris Wallace, as soon as the debate went off the air, Trump and Biden tore away from their wives and started going at each other, once again, like animals.
“You couldn’t look away,” said Tod Hadly, a CSPAN cameraman. “It was magnetic. You could tell they’d been wanting to do that from the very first ‘Shut up, man.’”
“Everyone knows that there is a very thin line between love and hate,” said hopeless romantic Dr. Kalimba. “Tensions rise, emotions are hot and sometimes the only way to shut up your enemy is to crush your mouth onto his.”
Unfortunately, kissing transmits hundreds of thousands of pathogens per smooch, so there is a slight chance Trump may have passed the coronavirus to Biden via his very adventurous tongue.
“Thankfully Melania had the foresight to start spritzing Donald with water before the kissing could devolve into anything … worse,” said Hadley.
“They were totally gonna start hatefucking,” said sex fiend Dr. Kalimba.
Biden and his wife are currently undergoing COVID-19 testing, as well as an STI screening.