Earthquakes are a result of pre-marital fracking

There’s no doubt that Oklahoma’s rising earthquake frequency is a sign from God, but there are many different opinions on the cause.

The scientific community believes it has found an answer for the epidemic. Research has shown that the rate and intensity of earthquakes increased substantially as the practice of fracking rose to prominence in the state.

This introduces an important spiritual question we need to answer. If we’re going to frack, should we not be married to the earth first, as God intended?

Fracking is certainly not a new process. Everyone knows about Jesus turning water to oil, but many other biblical figures participated in fracking under God’s direction.

The first instance of fracking can be seen in the book of Genesis.

After the flood had wiped out all life outside of Noah’s ark, the water was pushed deep into the earth, allowing the water level to drop. This also allowed Noah’s family ready access to oil, with which they were able to enjoy economic security for generations to come.

Another example comes from the book of Exodus, when God parted the Red Sea for Moses. The water became one with the ground, filling the ocean with oil that swallowed the Egyptians.

Interestingly, none of these stories mentions earthquakes as a result of God the Father fracking Mother Earth. The water goes in, the oil comes out. It’s a rather simple process when He does it.

However, when man tries to get his frac on, it seems that we can’t replicate the process God uses to perfectly make the oil rise without damaging the planet.

Thanks to a close reading of the Bible, it is clear that God, through his marriage to Mother Earth, is the only one able to frac her safely and consensually.

Man is neither above Mother Earth, as God is, or even her equal, but subordinate to her. Given this relationship, fracking Her is an abomination that must be stopped. Man must be complacent in taking what gifts he is given, small though they may seem, and using them to their greatest potential.

I urge you, heathens of Oklahoma, to stop this unholy process immediately. Man must accept his folly, repent to the Father, and take only that oil which the Lord hath provided him with, so that he and his sons may prosper as He sees fit.

Post Author: tucollegian

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