A brave (and quite handsome) reporter gets the scoop on the campus’s spookiest resident.
This Halloween season, it is the perfect time to learn more about one of the most prominent, yet enigmatic beings on campus: the ghost of McFarlin Library. So, equipped with an arsenal of overpriced gadgets, I pursued the spirit in a quest for an interview. He tried to avoid me, but no public figure can evade the press for long. The sunglasses and fake mustache floating around in mid-air really gave him away. And so I managed to score this exclusive interview with the specter.
Can you introduce yourself?
If I once had a mortal identity, it is long forgotten. I have floated between worlds for far longer than the existence of this university. Always, I have dwelt in repositories of knowledge, appearing to a select few seekers of wisdom throughout history, some spurred on to great success from meeting me, and others driven to madness by the experience. I have been called many names in many tongues through the various ages I have wandered before settling in this library. They have called me Teacher, they have called me Villain, they have called me Enlightenment, they have called me Darkness. But you can call me Tim.
So Tim, what made you decide to dwell in TU’s Library?
I visited when the McFarlin Library was being built in 1929 and I decided to stay because they were building a Chick-Fil-A on campus. Unfortunately, it was delayed for quite a while.
What is something you appreciate about McFarlin Library?
I appreciate the vast depth of knowledge contained in one building. Not only shelves upon shelves of books of all sorts, but the library has taken on the noble undertaking of preserving rare artifacts of intellect, to be collected and stored for the perusal of your posterity. Nothing can rival a library in the ability to store huge quantities of knowledge in a space as small as one building.
Have you heard of smartphones?
Oh yes of course, the machines that youngsters occasionally use to access information in between the time-wasting and brain-rotting. (I’m an ancient spirit; I’m allowed to be crotchety.)
Well, digital information in no way stacks up against the physical writings and objects we have at the library. I mean, we have James Joyce’s gravy-stained tie in a display case on the second floor. Can a smartphone match being able to see that in person?
So what do you do for fun?
Oh, just the usual ghostly pursuits. I disconnect some of the computers with the printers. I make the cafe mess up some drinks. I start arguments about the oxford comma in the Writing Center. I replace some of the books in the faculty lounge with slightly more boring books. I’ve been at that one for a while, they still have not noticed. And of course I keep up with all the books in the library.
Do you have a favorite book that’s available at McFarlin?
My favorite would have to be the scariest book. It’s a classic work of horror literature from 1958 that tells the tale of a ferocious beast who traveled from the darkest reaches of Peru to terrorize an innocent family in London: “A Bear Called Paddington” by Michael Bond.
What are your thoughts on the Starbucks in the library opening soon?
Based on past experience, there’s no guarantee that it’ll be soon. Though I am glad the first mate in Moby Dick left the whaling industry and became such a major player in the coffee business.
Thank you for the interview! Do you have any plans for the rest of today?
I might try to scare away some of the giant rats hiding in the closed lower sections. Then I might have an early night, things get quiet after 5 p.m.
