Well, it happened. The woke mob finally got me. Has cancel-culture gone too far? [Omit, rhetorical question – Zach]. I will no longer edit the satire section due to my potential imminent graduation. To the few who actually read this, write for the collegian next year. I beg of you, you will probably not regret it. Few have. [Omit, sentence fragment – Zach]. Writing for the paper looks incredible on a resume and better yet, it can make you a better writer. The Collegian helped me by providing an outlet for my complaining and it can help you too.
After participating in a couple of shot-for-shots what did I get? [Omit, rhetorical question – Zach]. Alcoholism and a good time. [Omit, sentence fragment – Zach]. Soon after, I began my stint as the only writer for the esteemed editor emeritus [emeritae – Zach], Anna Johns. I became the editor a year ago, running unopposed because everyone else was too scared to challenge my satirical prowess.
Before The Collegian, I was [Omit, “to be” verb – Zach] a depressed snarky bastard. Now I am [Omit, “to be” verb – Zach] still a depressed snarky bastard, but now I kind of know how to use Adobe Products. This could be [Omit, “to be” verb – Zach] you!
