Tips and tricks to avoiding burnout (these won’t work)
Got your first test?
First project due?
Feeling stressed?
Feeling blue?
Join the club darling. ‘Tis college we are talking about, and burnout is as natural to us college scholars as the takeout that is fermenting in your fridge right now. Fret not, however; here are six tips n’ tricks on how to handle burnout:
BURN some cookies: If your mind is feeling foggy from stress and to-do lists, add some intentional fog and piss off everyone in your dorm while you’re at it. Toss some flour, sugar, baking soda, gasoline, kerosene and lighter fluid into a medium-sized bowl, add eggs and chocolate chips (or not if you hate yourself), toss in the oven and walk away from it like you wish you could walk away from your problems. Burn to your taste, and share with friends and enemies.
Sun BURN: Combat the pain within by the pain without. Go sit on the Old or New U, taking care not to get run over by the Roomba (it will sneak up on you regardless) and allow the inferno known as the Oklahoma sun to singe your skin. Make sure to turn over so you can be well-done (meat preferences can be taken into account, but only by your professors, who will be chewing you out once you stop turning in assignments)
Feel the BERN: Engage in a good ole’ heated political debate. Right around the corner that you never knew existed lie The Elections, just waiting to pounce. Debate who should have won: the old white man or the old white man. Argue the concepts of pay, housing and lifestyle until you come full circle and eventually pull your head out of your ass and realize you’re better off doing your homework than debating the lives of other human beings.
BURNish your car: You always hated cleaning your old man’s car, now you must clean your own. Engage in this menial task that you could just pay someone else to do, but you also kind of want to be able to eat and pay tuition. Grab water, soap and some fancy wax to give your 2007 Volkswagen Jetta that newborn shine that it never had to begin with.
Picture to BURN: Throw on some angry music! Get yourself worked up! Dance around! Burn your ex’s photos! Scream their name to the rafters! Burn their frat house! Dance around in the flames in wicked glee until you are engulfed like that crazy lady from Jane Eyre (No one knows what you’re talking about!!). Remember the words of our fearless leader Taylor Swift: It’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames.
BURN your textbooks: You cannot experience burnout if you have burned the cause of said burnout. Pile those $200 stacks of kindling on top of the flowery ‘U’ in the center of the Old U or Dietler Commons (I am just priming it for homecoming, Campo), strike a match or two or use a lighter if you cannot for the life of you remember where you put those matches you bought at the beginning of the semester, and feel the toasty warmth that will warm your outsides, if not your insides.
