Four laws that weren’t voted in last week

How could our legislators leave out such robust additions?

Ah yes, my favorite time of year! Oklahoma’s law changes are now in effect. More than 300 big ones are out there now, some of which allow permitless carry, place limits on opioid pills and let minors into liquor stores. All very fun, very fresh.

Since it’s that time of year, and we at The State-Run Media love states’ rights, here are some of the new laws we think would be fitting additions to our local legislature.

Limes and Birds … just pick one – OK, does anyone else just have one scooter app on your phone to save space? Between Lime, Bird, Uber, Lyft and who knows how many other ride-share apps, does anyone else choose to have just one of those because smartphones can only hold so much space?

If so, you may be familiar with the feeling of being surrounded by Birds, but only having the Lime app. Or vice versa. With the rival scooter company being upwards of a 15-minute walk away. In the wrong direction. To the point where you’d rather just walk to where you were going to scooter to.

By making one brand illegal, and we will never have that problem again. The city can vote on which they like better. Then we can all pitch in to sacrifice the undesired vehicles to the scooter gods by pitching them into the river. Or even better, we can just paint all the Birds green or all the Limes black.

Up the penalty for gaslighting, lower the penalty for lighting up everything else – I mean is there is no legal deterrent for this. Really? Making someone doubt their own perceptions is totally acceptable here?

Of course, anyone gaslighting their peers deserves at least 10 years in prison. Now this raises a problem considering Oklahoma’s prisons are so overcrowded that we could not fit the offenders in there.

So, to make room, let’s just decriminalize drugs!

The minimum penalty for many of the controlled substances in Oklahoma is around four years. Even the misdemeanor of possessing weed could land you a month or two in jail or with a $500 fine. Let’s empty our prisons of those offenders and then fill them with the scum that enjoy psychological manipulation.

Free beer in city council meetings – Has anyone reading this attended a city council meeting in Tulsa or otherwise? How ‘bout once a month? Well they happen weekly, and people need to come more.

So, free beer, baby! People would flock to the seats! While listening in on your mayor drone on about economic issues and other boring stuff, kick back and enjoy a brewski!
Instead of hearing council members argue about important issues sober as a gopher, snag something hoppy and light and sip away!

Legalize murder – Don’t make me say this one again. We at The State-Run Media believe in a citizen’s right to bust a cap in someone’s rear end. We already have permitless carry and the death penalty, so honestly why not at this point?

Have a happy holiday season everyone!

Post Author: Brennen Gray