So I’ve been hearing a lot of hoopla and hullabalu about this “Mansplaining” thing and I thought that I should set the record straight with you ladies.

Now, I want to be perfectly clear that I am not going to mansplain to you in this article. I’m simply going to tell you things that stem from the experiences I’ve had as a male, and I’m going to do so without any regard to the different experiences that you, as women, have had. I’m not going to attempt to learn about, or understand your perspective on this issue before explaining my own viewpoint.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, come onnnnnnnn, women. What’s the big deal with mansplaining? Like if you just get rid of the man part, it’s just “splaining.” There’s nothing wrong with splaining, I mean, “I Love Lucy” was a wonderful show (although I always thought it should be called “I Love Ricky.”)

All I’m saying is that maybe guys are just trying to help. I mean, it’s not our fault if women are just wrong sometimes. How are we supposed to constantly correct you on every little thing to display our dominance if we can’t explain things to you? Wait… That came out wrong. I meant to say how are men supposed to help women succeed if men can’t explain things to you. Yeah, that sounds better.

Plus, how are male professors supposed to teach girls if they can’t mansplain to them? I mean, I’m clearly not misusing the word mansplaining to make a point, nor is the response “why don’t we hire more female professors” a valid response because… because… some reason that I’m sure I’ll think of later. Ha, checkmate!

I’m glad that we had this discussion and I’m glad that you didn’t try to interrupt me because you can’t because that’s how print media works. I think we all learned a little bit about one another today.

Stay tuned next week when I take on m a n s p r e a d i n g.