Aries (March 21 to April 19) – Finishing your homework is fun and all, but you need a mental break. Download Candy Crush Friends (specifically that version of Candy Crush) and play a few levels to take your mind off of homework. Or if you don’t have time (or phone space) to play games, watch a nature documentary.
Taurus (April 20 to May 20) – New opportunities might enter your life, but you will need to act quickly to find these opportunities before they’re gone forever. Register for next semester’s classes, or graduation, before it’s too late.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20) – A lot of people feel you’re two-faced. Try being brutally honest with those around you. If you think someone looks handsome or pretty then tell them that. If you think someone looks ugly, tell them that.
Cancer (June 21 to July 22) – You need some variety in your life, musically. Listen to 34+35 Remix by Ariana Grande, Doja Cat and Megan Thee Stallion. Don’t listen to the solo version or else you will fail your next exam.
Leo (July 23- August 22): Make an effort to communicate with those around you. In other words, answer your damn texts. I know you have like 37 unread messages on your phone. Your parents and friends are worried, so get off TikTok for 15 minutes and finally respond to the 99+ notifications you haven’t looked at yet.
Virgo (August 23 to September 22) – Try something new for a change… like sleeping before midnight and seeing what wonders that might do for you. You might have new out-of-body experiences like waking up before your alarm, having enough energy sans coffee to get through the day and maybe more.
Libra (September 23 to October 22) – There’s a good chance you’re really attractive if you’re this sign. Or unhinged; there’s no in-between. I thought you deserved to know that this week in case nobody told you.
Scorpio (October 24-November 21): It’s your season, baby. Please take some time and wash your hair. Even if it is your season, your hygiene doesn’t need to suffer due to you being lazy.
Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21) – You’re too stubborn, so go grab a stress ball. Try to not fight with someone this week, even if you have the urge to argue with someone who might be annoying you badly.
Capricorn (December 22 to January 19) – You also need some variety in your life, musically. Listen to Pound Town 2 by Sexyy Red & Nicki Minaj. If you listen to the solo version, you’ll be late for all of your classes this week.
Aquarius (January 20th to February 18th) – Like Virgo, you should also try new things… Did you know SushiBlu serves sashimi if you ask for it? Try it this week, get in touch with your water signs.
Pisces (February 19th to March 20) – People will try to doubt you and your emotions. But just know that you are always in the right, and everyone else is in the wrong. Spend the next week making sure people know you are the best zodiac sign. Just because we’re put on the bottom, doesn’t mean we’re the least important, even if we do get left out of 70% of Instagram zodiac memes.
