Is Pluto t h i c c enough?

Curvy celebrities weigh in on Pluto’s planetary status.

Pluto was stripped of its planet status years ago, a decision established by the ITC (International Thiccness Council). This group of affluent decision-makers includes the controversial Kim Kardashian and Krew, the infamous Buzz Lightyear, and destroyer-of-worlds Thanos. Because of their influence and status, they had banished Pluto from the realm of voluptuosity. The ITC called the smaller ball a ‘dwarf planet’ and took away Pluto’s ability to describe itself as ‘thicc.’

This has caused catastrophic consequences for Pluto. In an age that is cutthroat when it comes to a planet’s booty size, Pluto’s social status has plummeted. For years following ITC’s declaration, it was almost impossible to invite Pluto to any space parties because, as a planet, you’re expected to have some curvature.

Now, due to the long overdue revival of body positivity and new methods of scientific inquiry, the topic has been revisited. Just what is thicc? What is a booty? Just how do you know if a planet is secretly hiding theirs under the moonlight, waiting for the right time to (moon)shine?

Scientists have taken this opportunity to throw shade, sip tea, snatch wigs and go hard at the subject of thicc-equality. Science advocate Katy Perry in particular argued that all spheres are thicc no matter how many smaller rocks you attract (or don’t), and fashion icon Danny Devito has said that it’s “how thicc you are on the inside” that counts.

If Thanos, god of Fortnite, can be thicc, who can’t? These arguments, coupled with Pluto’s unstable status from the past, have sparked a hot debate amongst members of the ITC against the proponents of planet positivity and self-image. Since then, various other spheres have stepped up for re-evaluation, including Jupiter’s larger celestial crescents and, surprisingly, our own moon.

They argue a compelling point. If Pluto can force itself to become relevant even after a shady slandering from the scientific world, then what you doing? Get out there, make people question you and break the pre-existing notions of your own thiccness.

Post Author: Courtney Spivey