In response to Frito-Lay’s breakthrough new product line, other big companies are announcing lady-specific products.
As a woman, I often find it difficult to enjoy my favorite snack foods when I’m out on the town. Chips, in particular, are often a strain on my delicate sensibilities. They are simply too loud and messy to be proper for public consumption. And only God knows how I’m supposed to fit them in my handbag! That is why I was delighted to hear that Frito-Lay with soon be coming out with Doritos specifically made for women!
The chips are designed to be less crunchy, because women are known to hate crumbs (why else do you think we spend all of our time vacuuming?), coated with less flavor dust (we must save sucking our fingers for special occasions), and will come packaged in a new, more compact and feminine bag! And all only for $10.99!
“We are very excited to be bringing the public this new product.” said Indra Nooyi, the CEO of Frito-Lay’s parent company PepsiCo. “2018 had already been such an empowering time for women, so we felt that this was the perfect salute to the movement.”
Frito-Lay has plans to bring out more women-geared chips and snacks in the near future. One such idea in development is “Ladies’ Ruffles,” which promise to be “ridged for her pleasure.”
Women everywhere are rejoicing at the news.
“This is honestly just what we needed right now.” said local women’s rights activist Tanya Jones. “Today’s women, and our mothers and grandmothers before us, have fought long and hard for gender equality, but I really think that this marks the beginning of our victory. For us to now have our very own chips is something special indeed.”
“So many companies just say that they support feminism, but do they ever put any tangible effort into supporting the cause? No, they don’t,” said student Patricia Diaz, a women’s and gender studies major. “Frito-Lay, thank you for being the first to come out in support of women, not just with your words, but with your actions.”
Frito-Lay may have been the first, but they certainly won’t be the last. Other companies have taken notice of the immensely positive response to these chips and are starting to see the light, coming out with their own lady-specific products.
“We want the world to know that we too are on the side of women and are now committed to including them in the future of our products.” said Gregory F. Rayburn, the CEO of Hostess. “Our snack engineers will soon begin work on Pinkies, which are Twinkies with less cream filling to limit their mess. I mean, women are good at getting out stains, but we want to help in any way that we can.”
“Pizza Hut regrets not always being there for women, but we promise that that is going to change,” said Pizza Hut CEO David Gibbs. “We have been conducting research on female behavior, carrying out interviews and holding focus groups all to get to the bottom of what women want. I am proud to announce a new restaurant: Pizza Hut Femme. No grease, no cheese, no gluten and sauce that stays firmly in place.”
All of this is wonderful, but nothing beats the original. So take my advice. This Valentine’s Day, don’t buy the special lady in your life jewelry or lingerie. Give her a gift that will show her that you truly care about her and support her struggle. Give the gift of Lady Doritos.
