Lawmakers introduce very similar bills in long-standing one-upmanship contest

Last week in an unprecedented turn of events, two Oklahoma representatives proposed nearly identical bills, refusing to compromise one for the other. Oklahoma State Representative Andy Rudy’s (D) proposed bill for a $10 minimum wage was countered by Representative Bill Rudyer’s (D) bill for a $10.10 minimum wage. When asked the reason for the ten cent difference, Rep. Rudyer explained his bill was, “For the betterment of the middle class in a real, substantial way,” according to him being a “more ambitious step than my fellow Representative was willing to take in the service of our constituents.”

“Those two have been at it since the spelling bee,” said Mrs. Jackson, the Representatives’ fifth grade teacher. “They kept trying to spell bigger and bigger words to outdo each other; they wouldn’t even listen when I told them they couldn’t keep adding S’s to ‘Mississippi’.”

Sources reported that throughout their academic careers, the prospective one-uppers performed with dazzling mediocrity. Their attempts to outperform the other progressively broadened to popularity contests, talent shows and accruing the most senior superlatives. “It was one of my greatest triumphs when I won homecoming king my senior [undergraduate] year,” stated Rudyer in his memoir, released at the young age of 40, one week before Rudy’s own memoir was released. “It became one of my darkest moments when Rudy was crowned homecoming queen.”

The pair both went to law school, failed the BAR exam twice each before passing, and announced their campaigns for representative within 20 minutes of one another. Despite running for office in different districts, the candidates publicly debated each other multiple times, running attack ads on the other’s campaign. Only one of the debates between Rudy and Rudyer was recorded, but when local networks were contacted, the footage was reported to have been destroyed “out of respect for the dignity of the network and all persons involved.” One eyewitness who wished to remain anonymous stated that the debate broke down at the four hour mark, when each candidate blamed the other for the audience leaving, and proceeded to slap-fight until security escorted both representatives out of the building.

When contacted for comment on the bills, both representatives issued statements not fit for State-Run Media’s decency standards.

Post Author: tucollegian

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