Minister Tara: How I became an ordained minister in two easy steps

I decided to become an ordained minister. It took literally seconds. I am officially an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church in Seattle. I have never even been to Seattle.

I did this primarily because I thought it was funny (because it is), and I now receive emails addressed to #ministertara. But, if I were to jump through a couple of tiny legal hoops, I would be able to perform weddings. I could legally marry two human people together. I could have that power, because I am legally a minister.

It turns out, becoming an ordained minister—in order to perform a wedding—is actually the easiest thing in the world.

Once I located the website for the Universal Life Church, I clicked a tab about getting ordained. I entered my name and email, checked a box or two and then clicked “submit.”

The website said it might take a while, because they had to make sure I was worthy (basically), but they actually just redirected me to another page that said #ordained, and gave me a certificate.

It took dozens of seconds, and now I can ask people to call me Minister Tara. I will not, because I’m not an asshole, but I could if I wanted to.

As a gay human, I frequently hear about the sanctity of marriage. It seems that everyone who does not want me to be able to get married to a woman likes to talk about the “sanctity” of marriage.

Generally, what these people mean by the “sanctity” of marriage is that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman and their God.

Because the “sanctity” of marriage requires a man and a woman, a marriage between two folks of the same gender, or two folks of different genders but the same “biological” sex, it excludes a lot of queer people. Like me, for instance.

A brief side note: saying “same sex marriage” can exclude transgender folks, so from now on I will be using “queer marriage” in order to include the entire spectrum of LGBTQ+ folks.

If I can become a minister in literally seconds and perform a marriage, and no one has a problem with that, how can the “sanctity” of marriage even be an argument?

It seems the primary problem with the sanctity of marriage argument is that I, and any other human person over 18, can become a minister in a matter of seconds.

I am Christian, and I know a lot of Christians who are totally on board with queer marriage. These folks absolutely believe that queer marriage can be “sanctified” in the same way a heterosexual marriage can.

Given that some Christians believe in queer marriage, the argument that reading the Bible demands that a “sanctified” marriage be between a man and a woman becomes a little ridiculous. Maybe, in your interpretation, it does demand that, but the Bible has been translated and interpreted by literally millions, if not billions, of people.

It is not fair to say that any interpretation is any more correct than another interpretation, and it is not fair to demand to get married in churches that do not accept queer marriage—but it is also not fair to use an interpretation to deny queer people the right to get married legally.

If I can gain the ability to marry people, after literally seconds and no human interaction at all, then how “sanctified” can legal marriages really be?

The idea of “sanctity” is arbitrary, and mostly seems to be used to hurt queer people.

My relationships are just as valid and holy as yours are. And I deserve the right to get married legally.

And if you are queer and are in the market for a minister, feel free to hit up #ministertara. I charge a reasonable fee and I bring my own glitter. Think about it.

Post Author: tucollegian

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