The Democratic Party will give their blessing to the winner of this wrestling match.
Coming to Madison Square Garden in 2019, a wrestling match of presidential proportions, the ultimate battle of brawn and sheer star power for the 2020 Democratic nomination: Oprah Winfrey versus Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson!
With The Rock recently teasing a presidential run on The Ellen Show and Oprah’s rousing speech at this year’s Golden Globes catapulting her to the presidential spotlight, plans are already being put in place to accommodate these VIPs into the world of politics.
The two will go three rounds in a no holds barred wrestling extravaganza complete with a mid-match intermission for policy speeches and so Oprah can do her thing.
“I’m really excited for this match! I’m planning to unveil the tenets of my new healthcare program: WinfreyCare.” Oprah said in an interview last week, “I’ll save the details for the fight, but it’s basically ‘You get healthcare, you get healthcare, YOU ALL GET HEALTHCARE!’”
Points will be awarded for holds, feel-good quotes, and general violence, doled out by the match referee and moderator Lester Holt.
“I think moderating Clinton v. Trump has really prepared me for this event. I can’t imagine anything more heated than that, but we’ll try.” Holt says, “I just have to work on my one-liners, you know, to really give America a show.”
The Rock has been tight lipped about what plans he has for the country, but remains confident.
“I’m a bit nervous about getting into my leotard again, but I’m pretty sure I can hold my own against Oprah, at least in the ring.” The Rock commented, “Have you seen my films? I’m a pretty great actor.”
Establishment politicians might settle for boring debates to hash out issues, but that would be too ‘politically correct’ for these superstars. Consider this following the Republicans’ recent model of success. Nonetheless, news of the impending fight has still garnered criticism from politicians still stuck in the past.
“Are we really doing this now?” says President Obama, just one of the many voices against this fight, “If this is considered normal, I am seriously worried about the future of the party. At least Joe is having a good time.”
And that he is.
“I already bought out the whole front row. I’m working on merch. I honestly cannot wait.” says Biden, “Oprah 2020 for life.”
Whatever the opinions are, the facts are that in a 2020 presidential election against, most probably, Trump, a one-night-only spectacle of force is the Democratic Party’s best chance at finding their capable contender.