By Anna Bennet
This week, a crew of fearless and intrepid explorers plumbed the unknown depths of South Tulsa and made a shocking discovery: a previously unknown outpost under Starfleet command.
The base has been operating from its distant location since 1963, unbeknownst to residents of the more civilized quadrant of Tulsa. “I’ve heard stories about that part of town, but I’ve never seen it myself,” admits Lotta Tribbles, a freshman Religious Studies major. “There’s this legend about a crazy religious university made of gold; wild tales of early curfews and repressed homosexuality. But I’ve always been skeptical.”
Crewmen from the USS Enterprise make a pitsop at the Starfleet base at 81st and Lewis, as they’ve apparently been doing since 1963. Many of the base’s buildings are actually named after renowned Starfleet captains, like Bloku Timko who discovered Talos IV, and Oral the Great, who brought dentistry to the Klingon people.
Tribbles says she needs to see it for herself, but thinks the discovery of the Starfleet base is a much more reasonable explanation.
Meanwhile, officials at the South Tulsa outpost are surprised that it has taken this long to have their presence acknowledged.
“Honestly, I thought everyone knew,” confessed Capt. James T. Kirk in an intimate interview in his quarters, “It’s not like they’ve tried to be inconspicuous. Have you seen the place? You can’t miss it, even from space. Sort of like my little captain.”
The interview was thus hastily concluded.
When reached with questions, Mister Spock grew pensive. “It seems an essential part of human nature,” he mused, “to only see what one wants to see; what one expects.” He then stared thoughtfully off screen for a few minutes.
While University officials are embarrassed at inadvertently spreading false tales of the mysterious other-worldly presence, many in the TU community are excited for the discovery and the new era it is sure to usher in.
“If this base has gone undetected by our sensors for years,” muses geology professor Val Cann, “just think what other wonders could be lurking in the unexplored reaches of Quadrant 918…”