By J. Christopher Proctor
If you remember all the way back to grade school, the whole point of a map projection is to represent the surface of the globe (which is likely spherical) and representing it in only two demotions.
To do this, something must be sacrificed. Some maps preserve relative location, others preserve shape and still others manage to make Africa half of its actual size.
Some of these are better put together than others, and some are essentially useless (I’m looking at you Dymaxion and Waterman). But to get a true understanding of how the world looks—without cheating and looking at a globe—one must be exposed to many projections. At once.
That is why I am proposing a new law requiring that in order to use a map in any public way a minimum of 10 additional projections must be displayed. Violators will be charged with crimes against humapity, and will be promptly thrown off the edge of the earth.
The American people should have the opportunity to decide for themselves what projection they want to get their information from. For too long greedy teachers, slimy journalists and nameless-faceless-bureaucrats have tried control our perceptions of reality by propagating their preferred projections.
It is time we take a stand, and end this outrage. We will not let these petty distinctions between Mercators and Robinsons divide us. Resist those calling for map warfare and embrace the diversity of projections our country has to offer.
In short, if we want to save America we need maps and lots of them.
Mr. Proctor is a majority stock owner in multiple map printing firms.