By Jesse Keipp
After Rams starting quarterback Sam Bradford tore his ACL in a loss against the Panthers, head coach Jeff Fisher and company suddenly realized that their only option was backup Kellen Clemens, who has thrown nearly twice as many interceptions as touchdowns in his career.
Fearing a lost season, the Rams contacted AARP member (and former NFL quarterback), Brett Favre. In case you don’t remember, Favre notoriously came out of a retirement not once, but twice, since he was more desperate for attention than Miley Cyrus on a wrecking ball.
The Rams are in trouble. With the season at risk, their quarterback out and ticket sales falling, they turned to retired football legend Brett Favre, 44, in their time of need. He declined.
Somehow resisting the urge for a third comeback at the ripe age of only 44, Favre told SportsTalk 570 in Washington, “It’s flattering, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that.” While Favre cited the need for more family time, rumors have circulated that Favre has a lucrative marketing deal in the works with Tranquility adult diapers.
Red Sox starting pitcher Jon Lester befuddled the Cardinals in game one of the World Series with a stellar pitching performance. However, Cardinals minor league pitcher, Tyler Melling, pointed out a mysterious green substance on the inside of Lester’s glove. Nonetheless, the allegations could be neither confirmed nor denied since the game had passed.
Because whatever was on the glove was long gone, MLB would not and could not investigate further. When asked about it, Lester claimed it was just rosin. And regarding the green, he said, “I don’t know what that is. It looks like a giant booger.”
But baseball fans and Disney fans alike have strongly speculated that the substance was indeed Flubber. Derived from “flying rubber,” the super-substance has been known to help the Medfield College basketball team immensely. Flubber would undoubtedly explain Lester’s phenomenal outing.
Also in World Series news, game three ended in a Cardinals victory … after catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia tagged out Allen Craig at home. Or so Saltalamacchia thought. In actuality, Craig was granted home after an obstruction call, where third baseman Will Middlebrooks tripped up Craig on his way home. As a viewer, I hadn’t been this confused since the first time I read “Saltalamacchia.”
The fall classic started Wednesday night in Boston. The series has been shrouded in controversy and errors have defined the four games in the best of seven series.
In a Texas A&M football promotional video, famous partier and coincidental Heisman winner, Johnny Manziel, told fans that he’d like to party with the cocaine-using Charlie Sheen, the shirt-ripping Rob Gronkowski, and the womanizing Tiger Woods.
While Manziel rose to fame because of his notoriously good on-field decision making skills, his notoriously bad off-field decision making skills have made him one of sports’ most polarizing athletes.
Having been too hungover to help out at the Manning football camp this past summer, one can only hope that Manziel doesn’t follow in the footsteps of former NFL QB Ryan Leaf, who is currently serving seven years in prison for burglary, theft, and drug charges.