Removal of Ten Commandments monument causes state-wide panic

Fallout has been severe following the removal of the Ten Commandments from Oklahoma’s State Capitol.

In the past week, there has been a massive spiked increase in crime-rates, from venial misdemeanors to felonies. Additionally, a series of plagues have infected Oklahoma, with TU’s campus being one of the affected areas.

Murder rates had skyrocketed as of October 2015, when there was no longer a giant slab reminding the public to not kill one another.

This issue has been compounded by the ravaging issue of burglary across the state of Oklahoma, with both issues being made more difficult by the influx of perjury. Both the TPD and OKCPD have had difficulty controlling the homicide and theft epidemic due to mass disturbances of the peace in public religious gatherings.

While those identifying as Christian have diminished since the removal of the Ten Commandments, the popularity of occult groups and worshipers of sixth-dimensional deities has been growing.

The rapid increase in crime has already stretched public services thin, as experts have emphasized that the increases in natural disasters also require a large amount of attention from state forces. A recent spike in earthquakes and fluctuations in weather have meteorologists and seismologists completely stumped, and emergency responders working well beyond their capacity.

Poli-sci major Kelley Peters has pointed out that, “with the right rhetoric, fracking and energy companies could turn this tragedy into their favor by linking the disasters with secularism rather than their own actions.”

Peters had written in his personal TU blog that “there has never been a better time to be a climate change denier and a religious fundamentalist.”

Competing to do some damage to the state of Oklahoma has been the return of the cricket swarms across the state. An infestation of crickets has begun to move across the state, affecting lawns and gardens everywhere. “One might even call it a plague,” says Benjamin Moore, a local Doomsday predictor. “It is clear we are seeing the End Times,” he continued. “Better say your prayers now if you don’t want your first-born to be taken, too.”

Critics and opponents to the Ten Commandments memorial have claimed these events are purely coincidental, and there is no strong, linked supporting evidence that could argue otherwise.

Post Author: tucollegian

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