Rising Amish revolution threatens artificial intelligence

Artificial Intelligence. It mocks your spelling via your phone’s autocorrect, and may one day doing everything from driving your car to replacing your doctor. Many fear Artificial Intelligence, or “A.I.”, could also destroy humanity some day in the not-so-distant future.

What you probably haven’t heard of is the other A.I., the one that is scaring many computer scientist bitless — Amish Innovation.

“The strides that the Amish Innovation has made in the past couple of years is amazing,” says Dr. McCormick, Professor of Computer Science and Future-studies at Salvation University. “Really its growth puts every other technology to shame.”

“Moore’s Law” is a principle which notes the trend that computers have doubled their computing power every two years or so. The Amish, however, seem to be following what McCormick calls “A-Moore’s Law,” which states that Amish production power doubles in half the previous time.

“For example,” explained McCormick, “in 1815 an average Amish-unit could produce one tub of high quality butter in a day. In 1915, an equivalent Amish-unit could produce two tubs of high quality butter in a day. In 1965, 4 tubs. In 1990, 8 tubs. 2002, 16 tubs.” And so on and so forth, until in late 2013 all Amish butter production had to be shut down because “the Amish could literally churn the world dry by consuming all of Earth’s resources to feed their super sonic churns with cream.”

“And this trend isn’t just about butter,” continued McCormick. With their “amazing production potential”, Amish Innovation is breaking into new frontiers. “They’ve taken their skill with barn raisings and are now building massive wooden sporting arenas in mere days.” With conventional construction methods, arenas of equivalent size usually take years and billions of dollars to construct.

Even traditionally “computerized” fields are undergoing rapid “Amishization”, as the Amish look for new jobs now that high quality oak furniture practically assembles itself under their gaze.

A recent Nintendo game prototype replaces all A.I. with one Amish guy using a wooden controler. Beta testers not only couldn’t notice the difference between A.I. and Amish, but actually preferred the Amish based game over the A.I. And the search engine, “Oh yeah, sure”, based on a triple Amish-Card Catalog-Library system returns more relevant results faster than Bing or Ask.com.

Bill Gates, Elon Musk and Stephen Hawking can worry all they want about an Artificial Intelligence Singularity, but reports suggest that with the server-like entity “J.H.O.V.A.” and a developing Amish-telepathy network, the Amish Innovation is a larger threat to modern society.

Post Author: tucollegian

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