Reporters at the State-Run Media sat down with the Springfest Advisory Board to find out just how they selected this year’s musical guest.
Randall McStephens, Student Association Music Expert, met with the rest of the Springfest Advisory Board to discuss potential bands for the 2017 Annual Springfest Concert. With the previous year’s concert being such a hit, SA had a lot of pressure on their shoulders to pick a band that would bring in a massive crowd.
“We were really excited to hear what Randall had to say, he’s always right at the top of the trends, and always knows what music is in,” Springfest Advisor Mariah Ludd told reporters at the State-Run Media. “Music is his life. He gets so into it.”
A reporter from the State-Run Media was able to attend the exclusive Springfest meeting. McStephens approached the front of the room, and began his speech. “Alright fellow Springfesters, we need to pick the hottest band possible, we have a rep to protect, and I know just the band.”
As McStephens finished his sentence, the lights dimmed, and smoke began to creep around the floor. McStephens, clearly making his suggestion as dramatic as possible, began grasping at his chest, and gasping for air. He frantically looked around the room, before running to his backpack, searching for an unknown object.
“He loves to be dramatic,” said SA Representative Chloe Johnstown. “He has to be as overzealous as possible, it’s just who he is. None of us were surprised by his behavior.”
McStephens, still frantic, returned to the front of the room, and began to make choking gestures, as he started to slowly turn blue. “He’s going to announce it via charades! Genius!” cried Johnson. “Okay… he’s pretending to choke… breathing?” McStephens gestured at his lungs, and made squeezing motions at his mouth before ultimately collapsing. “Breathe? The British pop band?” cried Ludd, overly excited by this game. “No! I got it! NEEDTOBREATHE!”
The members of the Springfest Advisory Board cheered, excited that they had solved the mystery. “We didn’t even need to come up with another suggestion, everyone was so pleased by McStephens’ performance,” said Ludd. “Even Randall passed out from the excitement! We had to call Campus Security to come revive him. This concert is gonna be legendary!”
After the meeting, McStephens informed reporters that he hadn’t intended for that to be the band, that he was in fact having an asthma attack, and needed his inhaler. “I was going to suggest Nickelback… but I guess this works too.”