The newly emboldened second semester freshman are way too confident in their ability to be successful in college to the annoyance to everyone else.
As classes start back up a new breed of college student joins us: the second semester freshman. Because of these overconfident, self-concerned brats, upperclassmen are now terrified to hang out anywhere freshmen are likely to be: the caf, Fisher South, physics II classes, etc.
“God they’re just so terrible,” said one RA who preferred to stay anonymous. “Yesterday I was just minding my own business studying for my upper level psych class when some freshman came up and started telling me which professors I should be taking. I’m a fucking junior.”
“Yeah I basically have this whole college thing down,” said Kaycee Smathers, a second semester freshman who had just asked me where the library is. “I’m taking 14 hours this semester so I’m going to be super busy but I’m still planning to go to at least two parties every weekend.”
The TU administration sent out an email advising all non-freshman to “keep a stiff upper lip,” and that “this problem only lasts a semester.”
Gone are the days where freshman are fresh-faced and open-minded, always respectful to their elders.
“They’ve even started hitting on us,” said one senior, “some of them aren’t even eighteen yet. I’m twenty-two for Christ’s sake. And before you ask, ‘I’m a sophomore by hours’ is not a good pick up line.”
“Now that I have a semester under my belt I’ve really matured,” said Chet McDonough, a second semester freshman.
“I just feel like I need to date someone more mature now. I need a woman not a girl,” he continued while sipping a Four Loko.
While some upperclassmen find solace in the fact that soon these little monsters are going to be sophomores, others are saying “that’s even worse!”