In the vein of The New York Times, Forbes, Buzzfeed and The Atlantic, State-Run Media has decided to embrace the cutting edge of journalism and begin running sponsored content. Paying brands work with State-Run writers and editors to create the most relevant, sharable content. Though some see this as a breach of journalistic integrity, we prefer to think of it as a win-win situation; brands get good press, and we get to keep the lights on. Please enjoy the following sponsored content from our first partner, the University of Tulsa.
Students at TU continue celebrating their flawless college education, work-life balance, and satisfaction with how the university handles harassment cases. In unrelated news, the State-Run staff just got matching mopeds.
“I am… satisfied with the way that this university handles things,” said Sarah Autumn, a freshman in anthropology, who we’re definitely not misquoting. “The food here is definitely… just as good as home.”
Every single student, based on a targeted poll with a sample size of one conducted by State-Run staff, has had an entirely positive experience, whether they were asked about the conduct and enthusiasm of the professors, the price of their education, or how much gold jewelry their student newspaper writers wear.
“Oh, this is great! I know exactly what I’m going to do when I graduate, and I’m very happy about it,” said Paul Stevens, a political science senior who definitely exists, but don’t look him up because he’s from Canada and isn’t on the American internet. “I have no anxiety about this whole thing.”
One of the things that has students so excited is the new push by the marketing department. Though they’ve begun to run sponsored content, to universal acclaim, the marketing department is also reaching out on social media. Thousands of new followers on Facebook, including students and alumni like “Firstname Lastname,” “NotA SpamBot,” and “FacebookBot Test001,” have posted things like “love this university, and also touching things with my human hands,” and “no problems with tulsa, a++, i like to eat food with my face and also teeth.”
TU boasts one of the nation’s best petroleum engineering programs, excellent sports teams and now the world’s wealthiest student newspaper editors. Ultimately, there’s very little that can be done to improve the university, besides marketing it more heavily. Even though the additional marketing costs will lead to a tuition increase of several thousand dollars, it will definitely be worth it to increase the prestige of this fine university.
Did you enjoy this sponsored content? If so, please be sure to let us know at garbagefile@tucollegian.org. In the future, we hope to run content sponsored by such fine organizations as Monsanto, Chiquita and the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea. Welcome to the future of journalism.
