In an event that is honestly not even that shocking or newsworthy anymore, a group of TU students who were camping in a deserted cabin over spring break were found dead, again.
The cabin, located several hours west of TU, has been the site of several grisly murders over the past few years. All of the victims have been TU students, who often dare each other to spend several nights there because of the rumors of the cabin’s haunting.
Lena Rollins, a history professor at TU, offered to elaborate. “The locals often talk about an oil prospector who was killed there in the 1920s,” she said. “They say that his ghost stalks the cabin and surrounding woods, looking for revenge. Which,” she added, “is honestly so trite I have a hard time believing it.”
“We’ve investigated, and as far as we can tell, there’s very little evidence to suggest that this story is true,” she told us. “At least, there’s much less proof than there is for the recent murders.”
The massacres haven’t put students off of visiting the cabin. Recent posts on Yik Yak indicate that several seniors are planning to visit the cabin immediately after graduation. “Gonna see if the oil man is real,” reads the post. “What a crazy legend from so long ago.”
The univerity staff is stumped. We sat down with Kris Mueller, who heads the newly formed Department of Stopping Students from Dying at That Cabin. “I can’t get students to stop visiting that cabin,” said a visibly flustered Mueller. “We’ve tried a social marketing campaign to convince students that the oil man isn’t cool, but so far we haven’t seen results.”
The university has tried thinking outside the box. “We’ve tried to hire someone to exorcise the ghost,” he said, “but apparently the ghostbusting community is so divided by the upcoming reboot that they don’t have much time for anything but arguing on ghostbusting forums.”
As we left, he encouraged us to tweet with #JustSayNoToGhosts.
As most of the attacks are suspected to take place at night, State-Run writers visited the cabin in the daytime, where we asked locals if there were any experts on the cabin’s history. They directed us to an older man known as “Knife-Hand Man,” though he asked us to call him Edwin.
“I don’t know anything about any kids,” he said, while sharpening the knives that he used as prosthetics. “I’ve lived near here ever since the terrible accident that took my hands, and I’ve never heard a peep out of that old cabin.”
“You looking to stay there?” He asked us, gesturing excitedly with his knife hands. “Tell your friends about it, it’s a great abandoned cabin to sleep in.” He hesitated, then added, “Don’t bring anybody who’s like, really strong, or boxes, or carries a gun or something. They wouldn’t like it.”
This conversation with Edwin raised some pretty big flags for the writers, and we made sure to take a convoluted drive back to TU to make sure he didn’t follow us, with 911 pulled up on our phones the whole time just to be extra safe.
With no leads, the police have closed their investigation, while university officials have labelled it a “terrible tragedy,” though honestly not surprising given that a man nicknamed “Knife-Hand Man” apparently lurks around the cabin, saying that they have a “robust policy” to prevent similar murders in the future.