For the past six years, reports of a “horrible, sandy blonde” creature have circulated throughout Oklahoma schools. This monster, said to prey on underprivileged youth and working class adults, has been something of an urban myth in Oklahoma. That is, until this past year.
Beginning late in 2015, soon after the governor announced budget cuts to education, Oklahoma administrators noticed a disturbance in their students. Children aged six to twelve reported nightmares of a “snake-like creature” who appeared in their rooms and schools, threatening to devour the children alive. Most authorities initially dismissed these reports as childish whimsy, until it came to light that every child had experienced the same dream every night.
“It was actually pretty shocking,” said Tulsa detective Sam Wiseman in an interview with State-Run reporters, “Each kid we brought in told us the exact same story.” Wiseman told reporters that children described the nightmarish creature as having “hair like a middle-aged woman who tries to return ice cream after she’s already licked it,” and “a huge, gaping maw that seemed ready to swallow up anyone who wasn’t wealthy or privileged enough to afford shelter.”
State-Run investigators found that many of these reports were concentrated around the Oklahoma City area and, after a bit of digging, have discovered the source of the rumors. A gorgon-like creature matching the nightmare described by children was found to reside in the State Capitol. For years, this creature has been living as Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin.
The monster’s actions up until this point have targeted Oklahoma school funding and, as State-Run investigators discovered, its goal seems near completion. Up until the announced budget cuts of 2015, however, nobody really noticed that the state governor was a man-eating demon. This is, presumably, because it mainly eats poor children and people otherwise forgotten by Oklahomans. The monster, or “Mary Fallin,” appears to thrive on money, and has been slowly gaining strength by draining all the funding from Oklahoma schools.
We can only hope that someone destroys this creature before it grows too powerful. For many of the children traumatized by visions of this terrible nightmare, it may already be too late.