Student gets flu, doesn’t even consider roommate’s feelings

7 March 2017
Hannah Kloppenburg, Chugging Emergen-C

An inconsiderate TU student got the flu during midterms. State-Run reporters talked to the victim, her roommate.

Sophomore Heather Phillips was shocked to discover last Tuesday morning that her roommate Sara Gonzalez had had the gall to emerge from her bedroom with a particularly bad case of the flu.

The State-Run Media was able to interview Phillips in her apartment shortly after the discovery.

“I just can’t believe she would do this to me,” Phillips scoffed, looking derisively at her wheezing, runny-nosed roommate, who was curled up on the couch under several layers of blankets. “I mean, she knows I have a bunch of tests coming up this week. It’s really inconsiderate of her to expose me to the flu during midterms. Who DOES that?”

“It’s just plain dumb of her to get the flu during this time of year,” she continued as Gonzalez feebly attempted to drag a box of tissues toward herself. “Like, she definitely wasn’t washing her hands enough.”

“She probably wasn’t taking extra vitamin C, either, even though I told her she needed to,” Phillips said, sighing heavily and with an air of superiority. “I just can’t believe she would pull a stunt like this after all we’ve been through together as roommates. It’s really selfish of her, honestly.”

“I hope you heard that. You’re honestly being really disrespectful of our friendship,” she snapped at her roommate, who was beginning to shiver violently despite the warm weather and the blankets she had wrapped around herself.

Gonzalez was unavailable for comment, as every time the State-Run reporter attempted to interview her, she was racked with coughing fits and unable to form a comprehensible response.