A local museum social media manager Phil Brooks made a valiant defense of his workplace’s honor when it was threatened by a misinformed college student’s opinion.
“I’m bound by honor to defend my place of employment,” Brooks said. He wore a bandana on his head and two Japanese sai knives were holstered to his hips. A three-year old QuikTrip Big Q cup full of soda sat on the desk in front of him.
The aforementioned college student’s opinion, aimed at an entirely different organization, threatened Brooks last week after he was locked inside and forced to browse the web in search of insightful opinions.
“They had closed hours ago, but I was meditating with the doors shut. It was around 11 p.m. when I came across that kid’s opinion, and it shook me to my core,” Brooks explained.
“It was easy, I only had to use my larger platform to publicly and passive-aggressively insult the kid’s opinion.” By use of a Tweet, Brooks linked the student’s opinion and lightly implied that it was garbage. Replies to the Tweet quickly became unruly, filled with fully-grown adults who had never done anything stupid when they were in college. They made sure not to let this kid get away with it.
“The best part was that I didn’t even have to contact the kid and discuss it with him in a mature, calm setting. I’m contractually obliged to knee-jerk reactions, so immediately shitting on him is actually just doing my job correctly. I don’t even think I got the kid’s name,” Brooks said, laughing. He leaned back in his office chair, legs on his desk. He reached for his drink and knocked the cup onto the floor.
He pretended not to notice.
“I did delete the Tweet a bit later; the damage to his honor had already been done. His reputation is ruined, his self-esteem deflated.” He ran a finger down the blade of one of his sais. “In the event that he doesn’t accept his defeat, he must meet me within thirty moons for a fight to the death.” Brooks grabbed both sais, attempting to spin one on his finger.
Our reporter had to leave Brooks’s room when he began screaming obscenities and waving his sais in the air. They went to inform the director that their social media manager had deadly weapons inside the facility.
“We don’t have anyone doing social media,” the director said before ushering our reporter out and locking the museum for the night.