The independent student newspaper of the University of Tulsa.

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81st and Lewis Ave: The Final Frontier

By Anna Bennet
Red Shirt 

This week, a crew of fearless and intrepid explorers plumbed the unknown depths of South Tulsa and made a shocking discovery: a previously unknown outpost under Starfleet command.

The base has been operating from its distant location since 1963, unbeknownst to residents  of the more civilized quadrant of Tulsa. “I’ve heard stories about that part of town, but I’ve never seen it myself,” admits Lotta Tribbles, a freshman Religious Studies major. “There’s this legend about a crazy religious university made of gold; wild tales of early curfews and repressed homosexuality. But I’ve always been skeptical.”

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Crewmen from the USS Enterprise make a pitsop at the Starfleet base at 81st and Lewis, as they’ve apparently been doing since 1963. Many of the base’s buildings are actually named after renowned Starfleet captains, like Bloku Timko who discovered Talos IV, and Oral the Great, who brought dentistry to the Klingon people.

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“It’s monopoly money”

By Patrick Creedon

The official Student Investment Fund has started up again for the year. 

It offers students in the University of Tulsa’s Bloomberg Top 50 Collins College of Business the chance to manage a real investment fund which contains real money which is sure to have very real consequences. 

Dr. Mona Poli of the Management Program offered, “It really gives our students a leg up in the real world to manage actual investment opportunities. We can’t expect our students to succeed if we don’t give them chances to royally mess up now.” 

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