R.I.P. Kobe. courtesy U.S. Department of Defense

The BBC: masters of the transitive property

Racist?? No way! The BBC is just super #woke.

Last week, the BBC made the edgy provocative move of broadcasting LeBron James footage when reporting on the passing of Kobe Bryant. The BBC played us like a damn fiddle by subverting our expectations and implemented the transitive property to great effect. What is the transitive property, you ask? It’s a train of thought that takes one aspect of something or someone and connects it to something or someone else without any context. For example, Kobe Bryant is black. LeBron James is black. Thus, Kobe Bryant is LeBron James. The BBC, by making this assumption, begs the question: Is Kobe James LeBron Bryant? Is James Bryant Kobe LeBron? Is LeBron Kobe Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? Is James Bryant Metta World Peace? Is James Kobe James Earl Jones? Is Coco Crisp Crispus Attucks? It leaves one with more questions than answers.

The BBC also wants you to believe pancakes and waffles are the same; Coke and Pepsi; Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds; Big Shaq and Shaquille O’Neal, etc. This is a bold precedent as the BBC shifts our perspective of the entire world. The transitive property is the most flawless line of logic the world has to offer. The Earth is flat. Paper is flat. The Earth is paper. That is an irrefutable fact. The BBC took it a step further and incorporated social commentary on race. People are missing the point of this incisive experiment on racial stereotyping. By making the insinuation that Kobe is LeBron using the transitive property, the BBC makes us all wonder if racial stereotyping is even possible when everyone is the same person.

By showing LeBron James highlights while reporting on Kobe Bryant, the BBC has done two helpful things: 1) They showed us the light that is the transitive property. They’ve removed the wool from our eyes by revealing that Kobe transcends above our current plane of existence; thereby releasing us from the matrix. Kobe is love. Kobe is life. 2) They assisted in the effort to free us by conditioning viewers to see what was truly in front of them. You think this was the first time this had happened? How many times have you confused Chris Rock for Chris Tucker? 10,000 times? 20,000? Well, you were right all along. Maybe we’re being racist for not understanding what the transitive property has to offer. At the end of the day, the transitive property offers equality to all things, living and nonliving.

Post Author: Brett Tyndall