Inside the head of a goalie
During the NCAA men’s ice hockey championship, heavy favorite Boston University lost after an unforgivable blunder by its goalie, Matt O’Connor. With 8:36 left in the third period and a 3–2 BU lead, Providence’s Kyle McKenzie floated a puck into O’Connor’s glove.
Unfortunately, a bewildered O’Connor dropped the puck. Then in his desperate search for the puck, O’Connor’s skates knocked the puck into the goal. Moments later O’Connor relinquished a to goal Brandon Tanev, handing Providence its first national championship.
A few weeks ago, the Bleacher Creature took a look inside the head of a slam dunk contestant. This week, the Bleacher Creature brings you an exclusive look at the authenticated thoughts of Matt O’Connor. Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the hardcore journalism that you won’t get from posh outlets of CNN or the New York Times.*
Awwww, yeah. ‘Bout to win me a championship. “O’Connor! O’Connor! O’Connor!” I can hear the crowd cheering my name at the parade now. They do parades for college hockey, right? Oh boy, here comes the puck! It’s alright, Matty; you’ve done this a thousand times. Andddddd right into my glove … or not. It’s cool. Don’t panic. That hunk of rubber has to be around here somewhere. Is it at my feet? I’m going to skate backwards now. Well, it’s not down there, soooooo … damn it.*
10 years in the making
Bartolo Colon got an RBI! Bartolo Colon got an RBI! For the uninitiated, Bartolo Colon is a hefty New York Mets starter who occasionally has the misfortune of swinging a baseball bat. Thanks to the nature of baseball, unathletic men sometimes squeak into the majors.
Colon, with his enviable roundedness, is one such man. Nevertheless, Colon’s struggle is the world’s joy. So when Colon drove a run in on Sunday, his first since 2005, against the Braves, there truly was peace on Earth, if only for a moment.
With a swing that would never be mistaken for Mike Trout’s, Colon utilized his spherical shape, mustering enough rotational velocity to plop a ball in the outfield. Because God really does love us and because cartoons are more realistic than you’d think, Colon’s helmet popped off as he swung with all his might.
That’s quite a large score
What does Division II baseball have that MLB doesn’t? The offense that baseball fans have missed since the beloved days of Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds. At least, that’s the extrapolation I’m making after Minnesota State’s 41–20 victory over Bemidji State on Saturday.
The score may have been even higher if it weren’t for sports’ worst rule—the mercy rule—which ended the contest in the eighth inning. If I had a dime for every time the mercy rule ruined one of my Little League wagers, I wouldn’t have to hide from my loan shark. If you’re reading this, hi Sergey! And congrats on learning to read English!
*A special thanks to Mr. O’Connor, who unknowingly allowed The Collegian to use its brain scanner on him. The Collegian’s R&D budget is HUGE.