The Bleacher Creature

Just End Me Fam
You may have heard over the past couple months that Kyrie Irving is absolutely insane. Not only does he believe the world is flat (or he’s just an overly committed troll, but really, which is worse?), he caused a great deal of drama over the summer with his declaration that he wanted to be traded off the Cleveland LeBron James’s. I’m sorry, the Cleveland Cavaliers. Apparently Irving was not content with his three consecutive trips to the Finals because he just didn’t like sharing the spotlight with anybody else,. Funny, that tends to happen when you’re on a team with arguably the most famous athlete in the world. And look, I know I should like the idea of a superstar deciding that he wants to break up a superteam, a move that should be called the “Anti-Durant,” but I just can’t fathom why somebody would want to give up such a cushy position, especially when that somebody is one of the most overrated players in the league. Irving won’t be able to flourish on his own, he can’t run a pick-and-rill and has never finished .500 as the best player on his team. Now imagine my horror when I heard last week that a trade was announced that would send Irving to the Boston Celtics for Jae Crowder, Ante Zizic, next year’s Brooklyn draft pick…and my adopted son Isaiah Thomas. Isaiah bled for his team!! He suited up in the playoffs two days after the death of his sister, took a shot in the face and lost a tooth, walks around like a cowboy constantly because he’s taken so many hits from his relentless forays into the paint! And we’re giving that up for a lazy, spoiled, entitled flat Earther?? Good God Lemon!

What Did You Expect?
I hope none of you actually spent money on that farce that took place in Vegas on Saturday night. You know what I’m talking about. McGregor-Mayweather, the most stomach-churning spectacle in sports of the last decade. Not only are these two despicable people — Mayweather a perpetrator of domestic violence and McGregor just an unrepentant asshole — but they somehow managed to get the entire sports world to care about something that was about as competitive as a typical WWE match. If you didn’t see the “fight” when it aired and are waiting to watch it, allow me to tell you how things went down. It won’t be a spoiler, it’s pretty much like me telling you what would happen if I dropped an apple out of a tree: the boxer won the boxing match. McGregor came out aggressively, looking to use his superior size and reach to earn a quick knockout. Not a terrible strategy, he must have known he couldn’t outbox the best over twelve rounds. But Floyd just took everything completely unperturbed, rolling away from every hook McGregor threw his way and peppering his opponent with jabs while waiting for him to tire out. By the time they got to the 10th round, McGregor could barely stand or keep his hands up and Mayweather, who for what it’s worth looked visibly older and slower than we’ve ever seen him before, looked ready to put his ass on the canvas before the ref stepped in. Shocking! A man who has never boxed professionally couldn’t hang with one of the greatest ever. Thank god this thing is over. Now GGG-Canelo next month, that is going to be some serious shit.

Post Author: Justin Guglielmetti

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