Captain Cane proudly poses in front of the grand opening to the English and Creative Writing Department's new home. graphic by Anna Johns

The English and Creative Writing Department moves buildings to downtown Tulsa’s abandoned Spaghetti Warehouse

TU surprised students and faculty with changing the center of this usually invisible department, and the consequences of this decision went as expected.

During the recent English and Creative Writing Department’s Town Hall, faculty confirmed that the department will soon move out of Zink Hall. Like Oxley College of Health Sciences, the English and Creative Writing Department’s new building will be found off campus, where it will host classes and faculty offices. The rumors are true: the English and Creative Writing Department’s new home is now the deserted Spaghetti Warehouse in downtown Tulsa.

Students and faculty alike reacted to the news with shock and confusion. First, how could TU buy another building? With what money? Hasn’t the school drained its finances to slather its name on properties enough times?

Another harrowing factor that stirred disbelief is the idea TU administration could have sudden interest in the English and Creative Writing Department or, hell, the no man’s land that is Zink Hall. After all, most English and Creative Writing classes take refuge in other buildings. There’s only one classroom on Zink Hall’s third floor where students practically sit on each other’s laps around a table and watch their professors toy with the chalk board and outdated, sometimes non-functioning technology. Students were familiar with the constant unseen construction projects that required men rushing to-and-fro on the first floor. And God only knows what happens on the second floor.

Also, why the Spaghetti Warehouse?

Simple! Administration explained to faculty that purchasing the Spaghetti Warehouse was a cost-effective decision. The long-abandoned building was practically paying us to take it, anyway. Mind, of course, the territorial rat squadrons and the mummified garlic bread corpse; you can already find something similar going on with the oozing slime that slowly gains sentience in the fridge of the Graduate Student Lounge.

Plus, TU Administration reasoned that placing the English and Creative Writing department in an old, dirty restaurant merely gave these worthless non-STEM students a glimpse of their future career prospects.

“We were just happy to receive attention from administration at all,” confessed an anonymous Associate Professor of English. “The idea that we could have better classroom quality and care given to our students was so exciting that we did not realize the glaring issue standing in the way.”

Indeed, a major problem arose that halted any growth or morale boost for the department: the old Spaghetti Warehouse building was dismantled in 2019.

In a statement made to bewildered, concerned faculty and students, TU Administration soothingly replied, “Sorry, we didn’t think people would, like, actually have a problem with this. Aren’t English classes only taken by the underclassmen torturously slogging through their Block One requirements? It’s not like they show up to class all that much, either.”

“We should’ve seen this coming,” said junior English major Sarah Samson. “After all, Chapman Hall is still practically unusable for people who use wheelchairs. There are issues with asbestos in a lot of the buildings. Some of my classes don’t have working markers for the whiteboard.”

In other news, TU will offer students majoring in Computer Science and Engineering free iPads for taking notes, a MacBook just because and a ruffle of the hair followed by a lovingly tender kiss on the forehead.

Post Author: Anna Johns